


The Anime Incident and Other Bonus Content

by poubelle_squelette



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, POV Sans, behind the scenes of the slowest burn, if you read tpi and dont read this you're missing out on some real gems lmao, very sfw despite the implication of the summary, what is sansy thinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 15:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6121756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poubelle_squelette/pseuds/poubelle_squelette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“ARE THE TWO OF YOU OKAY I HEARD SCREAMI…OH.” Papyrus had, naturally, rushed in at the most inopportune moment. Sans was still on top of you and both your faces were flushed. Papyrus suddenly looked very embarrassed and uncomfortable. “UM. YOU KNOW. I JUST REMEMBERED. I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. YOU TWO…HAVE…FUN…” and then he ran out the front door.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Short stories, drabbles, and Sans's POV taken from "The Party Incident and Other Embarrassing Anecdotes"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Anime Incident [Sans's POV]

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Party Incident and Other Embarrassing Anecdotes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5798113) by [poubelle_squelette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poubelle_squelette/pseuds/poubelle_squelette). 



“Here you go Sansaparilla,” you said, handing Sans his drink. He chuckled at the name, you had a new one every day. His personal favorite so far was Espressanso as it was a double pun on both his name and a coffee drink.

Sans could appreciate that.

“heh, you’re gonna run outta names one of these days,” Sans said as he took a sip. He secretly hoped you wouldn’t. 

You hummed at him. “$3.50.”

It was routine, this exchange. You would write a punny name on the cup, Sans would make some kind of comment, and you would ask for payment even though Sans’s response was always the same. “just put it on my tab,” he said with a grin. You gave him a look of mock exasperation he often got from Grillby as well.

“We don’t even do tabs here, you’re robbing us blind,” your tone was light and Sans leaned up against the counter. 

“eh…boyfriend privileges?” Sans asked with an exaggerated brow bone wag. You grumbled but nodded. Sans was glad you played along in this exchange. He could appreciate that about you too. 

And, whether you knew it or not, he really did pay for his drinks every day. Sans would always make sure to slip in the money with Papyrus’s purchases, plus a little extra for the tip jar for putting up with him. Your co-worker was in on it, and at this point Sans really just wanted to see how many “free” drinks you would give him. His count was at 11 now.

Papyrus made a very loud AH-HEM behind Sans, prompting him to ask you, “so, uh, what are ya doin tonight?”

“Homework, probably. Draw a little. Stalk the news.”

You looked so resigned. Sans felt bad. Mettaton’s show set a precedent for monster racists to back off lest they wanted to end up in jail. Right now the news was following a particularly prominent ring of human supremacists, all of which were currently serving time. Sans didn’t want to make you worry, but he was doubtful they’d stay in jail for long. The system almost always sided with humans. Even where he was living now, one of the more progressive cities in the area, there was still preferential treatment of humans over monsters. 

But. Now wasn’t the time to really worry about it.

“wanna come over? for a…” Sans laughed at himself, wincing a bit at the choice of his next words. “for a friendly hangout?”

“Is…that…code?” you asked. Your cheeks were tinged pink. 

Sans was about to tell you that this really _wasn’t_ a date (not that he really considered your last “hangout” to be much of a date either), but Papyrus butt in with “NO, FOR ONCE MY BROTHER IS BEING UPFRONT ABOUT SOMETHING. THIS, INDEED, IS AN EXTENSION TO OUR MONTHLY ANIME VIEWING PARTY WITH OUR FRIENDS!”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude…”

Before Sans could explain that Alphys and Undyne specifically asked for your inclusion (for reasons he was extremely suspicious about), Papyrus already started talking again, “NONSENSE! YOU ARE A PART OF OUR GROUP…”

Sans watched your face light up in surprise. Heh, he laughed to himself. Humans were always so taken aback by how quickly monsters were to be inclusive. He sipped his drink as he watched your expression grow excited. He could feel your soul brighten as well. When you and Papyrus finished talking, Sans lazily waved his hand and said, “see ya” and started walking towards the door.

“SANS AREN’T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?” Papyrus asked, nodding in your general direction. 

“huh?” Sans glanced over at you. Your cheeks were getting rosy. “oh, right.” He leaned over the counter to kiss you gently on the cheek, remembering the “mwah” at the very last second. 

Sans still didn’t quite understand the pleasure of kissing someone. Maybe it was his lack of lips. He considered the possibility of just making some, but one it would look ridiculous, two he was lazy, and three he _knew_ you would be weird about it. But aside from that, Sans supposed he was just never one for general affection – that was more of a Papyrus thing. Before he met you, he could probably count on one hand the amount of times he had hugged or kissed someone. 

But, eh, at least kissing you wasn’t terrible. 

Even if he had to do the sound effect.

\--

Papyrus was finishing up his pasta when Undyne forcefully kicked the door open (though thankfully not off its hinges) to announce her presence. 

“it’s called knocking,” Sans said from the recliner chair he was lounging in.

“Knocking’s for twerps! My way is MUCH COOLER! Isn’t that right Alphie?”

“Um. W-well we are replacing our f-front door f-for the seventh time this year,” Alphys said, tiptoeing in with two bags of movies. 

Undyne huffed. “Where’s the girlfriend Sansy?”

“don’t call me that.”

“Why?” she asked, a sly grin forming on her face. “Is that nickname reserved for your giiiirllllfriend?”

“THEY CALL EACH OTHER VERTE-BAE.”

“Th-that’s s-so cute!” Alphys said.

“Yeah, just adorable.”

Sans didn’t like having this kind of attention be placed on him. He was usually the one messing with his friends, not the other way around. And he definitely didn’t like being so unfairly teased. And he knew Undyne was doing it just to spite him because she definitely knew what was going on. And so did Alphys. Sans grumbled and sunk back further into the chair.

Papyrus served his spaghetti and Alphys popped in the first disc – an anime about two brothers who could perform alchemy. Sans thought it was interesting enough to stay awake for the first half, and then he got a text from you.

verte-bae: 8:03 pm  
Knock Knock!

Sans smiled. This was more or less the routine you had when visiting each other. Your jokes always sucked, but he liked the effort.

xxx-xxxx: 8:03 pm  
whos there

verte-bae: 8:03 pm  
Ach

Yup, Sans knew it. He had heard this one before and it was terrible in every way. He stood up to go wait by the door. 

xxx-xxxx: 8:04 pm  
ach who

verte-bae: 8:04 pm  
Sounds like someone’s coming down with a cold!

Sans turned the knob to reveal you standing outside, wearing his hoodie and clutching your phone and looking pretty pleased with yourself. He leaned against the frame and said, “that was the worst joke i’ve ever heard. gotta tell me a better one if you wanna get inside.”

“Come on Sans!”

Sans laughed to himself. The jacket was slightly too big for you, so the sleeves were covering your hands. It was hard to take you seriously, especially since you were flailing now, trying to express how cold it was outside.

“alright, wouldn’t wanna give ya the cold shoulder. i’ve got a really good knock knock joke, but, uh, you’ve gotta start it,” Sans said with a grin, wondering if you’d fall for it.

“Um…okay,” Oh my god you were really going to do it, “Knock knock?”

“who’s there?”

There was a long pause. Sans started snickering, covering his mouth with his hand. You made an extremely undignified sound and stamped your foot a little. The reaction made Sans laugh even harder. He glanced over at you to see you glaring at him. “i can’t believe you actually fell for it.”

“Will you let me in now?”

Sans relented and stepped out of your way. He watched you take off his jacket and throw it over a chair. Weren’t you just talking about how cold you were? Sans grunted, but followed you into the living room, where Alphys was catching you up on Full Metal. 

“Babe, do you think you could make ME half robotic?” Undyne asked, probably already imagining how badass she would look with metal limbs.

“U-uh, I’d r-rather not.”

“alphs doesn’t seem all that nuts a-bolts that idea,” Sans interjected, choosing the spot next to you instead of returning to his chair. He ignored the smirks he got from Undyne. It would be pointless to be anywhere else because otherwise Papyrus would-

“SANS I THINK YOUR HUMAN LOOKS COLD!” 

Yeah. He would do that.

Papyrus practically threw the blanket at Sans in an attempt to initiate some “NON-PLATONIC CUDDLING.” Alphys and Undyne started uncontrollably giggling to themselves and Sans could feel your soul’s hesitation. Geez. The things he did for Papyrus.

In fact, this whole situation was happening because he didn’t want to disappoint his brother. And now Papyrus was so happy that Sans was happy in his relationship that Sans couldn’t possibly tell him it was fake. The lying was unhealthy, especially since everyone else here knew about the situation, but Sans couldn’t bring himself to tell the truth. 

It was okay, Sans figured, since he didn’t tell the truth about a lot of things. 

The five of you watched the first episodes to several different anime in an attempt to see a wide variety of shows. Sans didn’t really care that much about anime before, but granted he usually fell asleep during the first episode and Papyrus would be forced to take him to bed. He watched with interest this time and picked up on a lot of common themes. The group (minus Alphys who had already seen every episode) would each take a guess as to what tropes would be in the first episode. 

You guessed right most of the time. Papyrus guessed wrong most of the time. 

Sans checked his phone, it was a little before 1 in the morning – way past his bedtime of always, but he didn’t feel especially tired. Still, Alphys and Undyne had to go home and they left their bag of DVDs for you to watch later. Sans was certain there were two bags of DVDs when they arrived, but there was only one sitting by the DVD player.

Hm.

“I’M OFF TO BED NOW TOO,” Papyrus said, stretching out his bones.

“ok, i’ll be right there to tell you a story.”

“NO!” Papyrus said. “SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND. I WILL SACRIFICE MY NIGHTLY STORY SO YOU CAN BE WITH HER. AREN’T I THE BEST?” And with that, he sprinted to his bedroom. 

Sans appreciated the gesture, even though it didn’t mean much since you weren’t dating. But his bro was definitely the coolest.

“I’m not really tired yet, you up for another?” you asked, already crawling over to the bag and looking through the discs. Sans got up from his spot on the floor and moved the blankets to the couch. He crawled inside and sat contently. You placed your choice into the player and joined him on the couch, snuggling up inside the blanket without hesitating this time. “Looks like another one of those school girl animes.”

Sans knew that this would usually mean a school girl tsundere or yandere as the protagonist. He grinned at you and said, “ten bucks says she’ll be yandere.” Sans raised his voice an octave to do a mock impression, “notice me senpai, i love you senpai! i will kill you out of love for senpai!” Nailed it.

You let out a loud snort of laughter, and Sans couldn’t help but smile. He knew how much you hated your laugh, but he loved it. It made him want to tell more jokes just so he could hear it. You waved your hand a bit in an effort to calm down and then said, “You sound ridiculous, and you’re wrong,” heh. “I bet you she’ll be tsundere. Baka! It isn’t like I LIKE you or anything!”

As bad as you were at jokes, you were quick on your feet. Good quality to have in a friend, Sans mused to himself. “pretty good tsunderplane impression.”

“Wh-what! Why are you complimenting me you WEIRDO?”

Sans started chuckling and you started laughing loudly again. Sans was about to counter with an impression of his own when suddenly a very loud moan came from the television. Sans froze in place, laughter cut off, and he slowly turned towards the screen. 

Tentacle porn.

_undyne, what the fuck?_

Sans couldn’t even try to suppress the embarrassment that was washing over his face as he stared at the screen. How many tentacles were there? Ten? Fifteen? He could practically feel his face going blue and he could definitely feel the spike of embarrassment radiating off you. The schoolgirl on the screen was writhing underneath the monster. He couldn’t tell if she was feeling pleasure or pain when she cried out again.

Sans was suddenly brought back to reality. What the hell? And he remembered how Papyrus was only a few rooms away. “turn it off!” he said quickly, skull definitely now blue and he was sweating too. 

“AHHHH YESSSSSSSSSS!”

Sans looked over in disbelief to see you scrambling with the remote. He reached over, “what are ya doin, give it to me!” You jerked away from him, but moved too quickly and started falling. Sans moved back in surprise, but you caught onto his arm. He wasn’t expecting you to grab onto him, and had no time to pull you up or keep himself steady, so he went flying as well. He closed his eyes to brace for impact on the floor, but landed on something squishy instead. He opened his eyes, expecting to be laying across your stomach.

No.

Definitely not your stomach. 

Sans more or less knew what breasts were and what their purpose was before coming to the surface – countless biology books had fallen into the Underground – two balls of fat used to nourish small humans. It was weird, but it made sense. Unfortunately, he learned very early on (thanks to an incredibly embarrassing incident involving Papyrus, a woman who got her foot stuck in a gutter, and a less-than-amused mall cop) that it was NOT a place for touching. 

“sorry, sorry, sorry,” he mumbled quickly, hoping you wouldn’t try to hit him.

“ARE THE TWO OF YOU OKAY I HEARD SCREAMI…OH.”

Sans turned his skull to see his brother standing over them, jaw open. Papyrus stared at him, then up at the tv, and then back at Sans. Sans trembled with embarrassment and your soul spiked so high it was practically burning him.

“UM. YOU KNOW. I JUST REMEMBERED. I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. YOU TWO…HAVE…FUN…” and Papyrus bolted out the front door before Sans even had the chance to explain that it really, really wasn’t what it looked like. 

Sans looked down to see your flushed face which was now completely red. He laughed nervously and propped himself up, trying to get away from you as quickly as possible. He couldn’t believe that had just happened. And he knew Papyrus was going to tell Alphys and Undyne. 

The moaning was still going on in the background. Sans winced and said, “uh…can you turn it off now?”

“Oh! Yeah, yeah.” But you wavered, watching the screen for a few extra seconds. Sans had no idea why you would choose to prolong this…incredibly…awkward…moment.

Silence.

Sans didn’t know what to say really to ease the tension. You were giving him this look, almost begging him to take away the awkwardness. He coughed. God, he had no idea.

“wow you humans are into some weird shit.”

And it was true. Sans had been on the internet. He knew of some of the weird shit humans could create. 

“There’s worse things out there than that. Probably.”

Sans didn’t like awkward silences. Nothing came good from awkward silences. 

“Totally called it. Complete tsundere. Now you can finally pay off your tab.”

Okay. Maybe some good came from awkward silences. Sans knew how much you wanted to not be awkward about this. He…could really appreciate that. “heh, c’mon i’ll pay ya back one of these days.” 

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

If only you knew.

“I better get to sleep. Working tomorrow and all that…and, uh, you should probably go check on Papyrus…so…uh…goodnight then.”

“night.”

You hadn’t left. Sans wondered if you were hoping for a hug goodbye. If Papyrus _was_ here he definitely would have made it mandatory to have at least one hug and two kisses. But…Sans couldn’t think of any way to say goodbye without it being too weird. You offered your fist. 

Ah. That’s not too bad.

Sans met it with a light fist bump. And then you left. 

Sans immediately called Papyrus.

“UM. I’M SORRY THAT I INTRUDED ON YOUR-WHAT DID YOU CALL IT UNDYNE…OH-UNDYNE WANTS TO SAY HI.”

“DIDJA GET SOME?!”

“undyne.”

“Well?”

“undyne.”

“Man, you should’ve SEEN Papyrus. I’ve never seen him run so fast. I mean, we’re, what, a couple of miles from you at least? FUHUHUHU. The living room Sans? You’re so bold. Wait, hang on, Alphys wants the phone now.”

“Hi S-sans.”

“alphys.”

“S-sorry!” she squeaked. “It w-was Undyne’s idea! W-we thought P-papyrus would’ve already b-been asleep!”

“What, babe, no! It was totally your idea!” Sans could hear the two fight over the phone. “Don’t listen to her, punk! It was totally her idea that I had no involvement in because I know you would probably try and kill me for it!”

“H-hey!”

“tell papyrus it was a jape. or somethin. he doesn’t need to know about this kind of stuff.”

“Yeah, yeah, blah, blah your scary big brother shtick is soooo terrifying,” Undyne said casually, and then, “So I hear you made it to second base.”

Click.

Sans hung up the phone. What a night. He glanced over at the chair which had his jacket still slung over the top of it. Hmm, he figured he had his hoodie back and slipped it on. Smelled like you. He couldn’t tell if he liked it or not, but he kept the jacket on. Felt weird. Too heavy. He really did like his galaxy one better. He shuffled into his bedroom and hopped into bed. He turned on his phone and typed out a message. He wanted to make it clear that he didn’t want to be awkward about today either.

xxx-xxxx: 1:23 am  
how many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh

verte-bae: 1:23 am  
If you say tentacles I swear to god I will end you

Sans snickered to himself. Did you really know him so well? He figured, ALWAYS go for the joke.

xxx-xxxx: 1:23 am  
…

xxx-xxxx: 1:23 am  
TEN-TICKLES

He heard an extremely loud and exaggerated groan from the wall, and Sans had to laugh at both his totally hilarious joke as well as your reaction. The louder the groan the better the pun.

He’d sleep easy tonight.


	2. The PAPYRUS'S FANFICTION Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE STORY OF SANS AND HIS GIRLFRIEND. DOES IT NEED FURTHER EXPLANATION?

THE TALE OF MY COOL OLDER BROTHER AND HIS EQUALLY COOL (BUT NEITHER AS COOL AS ME) DATEMATE.

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE LIVED A LAZY SKELETON NAMED SANS WHO WAS VERY SAD AND LONELY (BUT NOT TOO LONELY BECAUSE HE HAD A COOL BROTHER NAMED PAPYRUS WHO MADE HIM SPAGHETTI AND LOVED HIM VERY MUCH). SANS HAD 39240 JOBS BUT STILL MANAGED TO SLACK OFF ON ALL OF THEM, LEAVING THE GREAT PAPYRUS TO BE THE BREAD WINNER OF THE FAMILY. NOT THAT THE GREAT PAPYRUS MINDED OR ANYTHING BECAUSE HE VERY MUCH LOVES HIS JOB AS A FLORIST WHERE HE COULD TALK TO THE KING FREELY AND MAKE LOVELY BOUQUETS FOR BEAUTIFUL COUPLES.

ONE DAY SANS WENT OUT TO SPEND ONE OF HIS BREAKS AT GRILLBYS, A BAR THAT WAS MUCH TOO GREASY AND FILTHY FOR PAPYRUS TO VISIT BUT LUCKILY FOR SANS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING HUMAN FRIEND WAS ALSO THERE THAT NIGHT. SHE STUCK HER FINGER IN HIS EYE SOCKET WHICH I’M STILL NOT QUITE SURE WHY SHE WOULD DO THAT IT’S VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR SKELETONS BUT NONETHELESS SANS WAS NOW INTRIGUED.

THE TWO STARTED SEEING EACH OTHER BUT UNFORTUNATELY FOR THE HUMAN, SANS WAS VERY BAD AT DATING. HE DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO CONSULT THE GUIDE BOOK FROM THE LIBRARY. HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THE PROPER WAY TO KISS HER. IN FACT, SANS DID NOT EVEN KNOW HER NAME AND THEREFORE COULD NOT PROPERLY INTRODUCE HER TO PAPYRUS THE FIRST TIME THEY MET. THANKFULLY, THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS MANY TALENTS, INCLUDING BEING A MASTER OF DATING, AND KNEW HE HAD TO SAVE HIS BROTHER FROM MAKING ANY MORE BOYFRIEND FAUX PAS.

PAPYRUS SHOWED SANS THE PROPER WAY TO KISS A HUMAN AND EVEN TRAINED SANS ON THE PROPER TIMING OF WHEN TO SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ WHICH APPARENTLY WENT IGNORED, EVEN THOUGH THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS NEVER WRONG ABOUT THESE THINGS.

PAPYRUS WAS REALLY HAPPY THAT THE HUMAN CAME INTO SANS’S LIFE BECAUSE NOW SANS DOES NOT HAVE TO BE AS LONELY. SHE IS VERY KIND TO HIM AND JOINS IN ON HIS PUNNING. SHE ALSO LIKES SPAGHETTI, WHICH IS A GREAT TRAIT FOR ANY DATEMATE TO HAVE. SHE IS ALSO VERY FRIENDLY TO PAPYRUS, WHICH IS SANS’S NUMBER ONE REQUIREMENT. NEEDLESS TO SAY, SHE MEETS ALL THE STANDARDS.

EVENTUALLY, SANS FINALLY DID DECIDE TO SHOW THE HUMAN HOW MUCH HE CARED AND THE TWO OF THEM GOT MARRIED AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH THEIR GREASY FOOD AND COMPLETELY WRONG WAY OF KISSING. 

THE END.  
…

“nice story bro.”

“THANK YOU SANS I WILL HAVE TO LIST INGENIUS FANFICTION WRITER TO MY REPERTOIRE.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (can i just rewrite the whole series as if papyrus is telling the story???))
> 
> based on FlawHolic's comment on Chapter 12


	3. The METTATON Incident [a micro Sans POV]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a comment from Miss_Teddy on chapter 7 <3  
> What Sans's thoughts were during your first interview with Mettaton.

Sans wasn’t really a huge fan of Mettaton’s. He thought the bucket of bolts was overrated and obnoxious. But Papyrus liked Mettaton, and so Sans lived with getting up to catch the early bird MTT broadcast. At 4 am. Every. God. Damn. Day. 

Normally, Sans would half-sleep through the broadcast because Mettaton never actually reported on news that was relevant. However…

“Greet your fans darling!”

“OH MY GOD SANS LOOK! IT’S YOUR GIRLFRIEND!”

There you were, looking lost and uncomfortable. Sans suddenly couldn’t peel his eyes from the television. He knew what was coming. You seemed to be physically incapable from embarrassing yourself for more than five minutes.

It wasn’t that he cared if people thought he was dating a human. It was just slowly becoming more and more irreversible as time went on. He anxiously watched as you clumsily answered Mettaton’s questions.

“And how did you two meet?” Mettaton drawled.

Well this oughta be good, Sans mused to himself.

“Ah, well. So I go up to the bar to order…and uh, he was there…being…a skeleton and all. So I did what any rational person would do…and…I…stuck my finger into his eye socket.”

Why. Why, out of all the things you could have said…? Sans was in disbelief. 

“WOWIE IS THAT REALLY WHAT HAPPENED?”

“i guess so, bro.”

You stumbled through a few more questions, but were doing alright overall. Sans had to commend you on your punnery, _eye see what you're doin there pal, but iris you'd stop_ would totally be something he would say...after the initial shock of having fingers in his eyes wore away. Mettaton's broadcast went to a quick 2 second commercial break - not uncommon when Mettaton was pulling something fishy - and when the show returned the camera was focused right on your face.

“I love Sans!”

…

Sans stared at the screen in disbelief. Why. He glanced over at Papyrus, who had stars in his eyes.

“DID YOU HEAR THAT? SHE JUST SAID SHE LOVES YOU!”

“…yup.”

“SANS YOU MUST THANK THE HUMAN WITH A BEAUTIFUL FLORAL ARRANGEMENT.”

“…yup.”

“AND LOTS OF KISSES!”

Sans felt his skull start to warm up. _welp_ , he thought to himself, _i guess we’re really doing this date thing._

He sent you a text.

xxx-xxxx: 4:29 am  
you love me? well shucks pal. you could at least buy me dinner first

Sans was hoping he sounded relaxed. But the truth was, he wasn’t sure what was happening any more, the situation was getting further out of his control and he didn't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO I've opened up polling for another full-length Sansy POV chapter  
> you can vote: [ HERE ](http://goo.gl/forms/3qhmmSxRyc)


	4. The Depression Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What do you think Reader would do to cheer up a depressed Sans?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Doesn't have a set time this takes place, but I was imagining sometime before Reader realized her feelings **

Sans was feeling depressed. Well, Sans was always feeling kind of depressed, but today was an especially bad day. Papyrus was already at the flower shop, and so Sans was left alone on the couch in the living room, blankly staring at the tv but without really watching. 

verte-bae: 9:03am   
Knock Knock 

On most days, Sans would love to hear whatever lame joke you came up with, but today was not most days and he couldn't find it in his metaphorical heart to humor you, so he just padded over to the door and opened it. 

"OH,” you said, looking very much surprised that he didn’t play along. He loved your awful jokes didn’t he? “You know I totally had a really awesome one this time-" you cut herself off, and then said, "Geez, you look so dead today." 

"i am a skeleton after all," Sans said dryly. 

"No, I KNOW, just," you studied his face. There were dark circles under his eye sockets and his pupils were dim. He even looked paler than usual, which was saying a lot considering he was made up of bone. There was also a trace of something in his expression, a listless tiredness and sadness. It was almost unsettling, you had never seen Sans look like this before. There was always some kind of twinkle in his pupils or crinkling around his sockets and always most definitely some kind of smirk or grin or smile on his face. You reached out to him and said, "Are you okay?" 

Sans shrugged, not wanting to tell the truth but unable to bring himself to lie. He was too tired to feign anymore happiness than he already had with Papyrus that morning. 

"Do you want some company?" you asked hesitantly, unsure if you were being too intrusive. 

Sans wasn't sure how to respond. He mostly dealt with these episodes alone, save for the occasional slip up when he let on how he was feeling to Papryus, who would then become an overly doting mother skeleton. He hated those days the most because he didn't like being coddled, but he didn't like disappointing his brother either. He gave a noncommittal shrug to give you an out if you only asked to be nice. 

"Okay," you said, already walking into the apartment. You headed towards the couch and grabbed the giant blanket that lay over it. You also took the remote and changed the channel to some human comedy show you knew Sans liked to watch. He joined you wordlessly and you wrapped the blanket around the both of you.

About five minutes into watching television, you carefully placed you hand over his and squeezed. You didn't ask any questions or really even take your eyes off the screen, just in case that would be pushing Sans too much out of his comfort zone. Sans didn’t resist and instead lightly squeezed your hand back.

The gesture was exactly what Sans needed, reassurance without the pressure of having to actually talk about anything. Sans found it a little easier to relax knowing you weren’t going to try and pry into his personal life. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for who knows how long, neither of you moving much save for the occasional brush of your thumb against his hand in reminder that you were still there with him. Just in case he wanted to talk. Just in case he needed someone. Just in case he needed you. 

Depression has no cure, not really, but sometimes all someone wants is a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a PM on tumblr from coffecoloredbrunette


	5. APRIL FOOLS!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What’s up bonehead? Are you feeling alright?" you asked hesitantly. 
> 
> Sans paused, and then said, "tibia-nest, i haven’t been patelling the whole truth."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some beautiful fanart created for this wonderful chapter (CAREFUL - SAUCY SPOILERS AHEAD):  
> [ SAUCY SPOILERS ](http://poubelle-squelette.tumblr.com/post/142099923478/forgive-me-poubelle-for-i-have-sinned-last)
> 
> And BitterSweetDeath was kind enough to read this chapter aloud, so if you care to follow along:  
> [ April Fool's Audio ](https://soundcloud.com/user-421347914/8-reading-out-april-fools)

The sound of Christmas carols filled your apartment as you worked on your homework. You were stressed out with the thought of final projects and exams, but you only had three weeks left until freedom. 

You had just finished a figure modelling assignment when your phone buzzed.

snas: 2:06 pm  
knock knock 

Just as you were in the middle of answering “who’s there,” your door was forcibly kicked open. Standing in the doorway was Sans, breathing heavily. He peered into your apartment and locked eyes with you. You squeaked in surprise. “What’s up bonehead? Are you feeling alright?” you asked hesitantly, eyes flickering over towards the door. It wasn’t like Sans to use a lot of force for _anything_ let alone coming into your apartment. 

Calmer now, but still breathing hard, Sans walked over to you. He looked kind of nervous. He took the spot next to you on the couch and looked at you seriously. Your heart started pounding. _Thump. Thump. Thump. THUMP. THUMP._

“Sans?”

He grabbed your hand and started stroking it gently. “tibia-nest, i haven’t been patelling the truth.”

Wh-what?

You felt a blush creeping up onto your face. “Sans, come on that isn’t funny.”

He leaned in close, so close, too close. You tried backing up, but he used his other hand to stop you from moving. “i ain’t joking,” he said. “i am completely, madly, irrationally in love with you.”

_THUMP. ___

__THUMP. ____

____THUMP. ____ _ _

______THUMP. ____ _ _ _ _

________THUMP. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“god, do you even know how loud your soul is?” Sans whispered. He didn’t give you a chance to answer before he closed the gap between your face and his with a toothy kiss. Your hands instinctually grabbed the lining of his jacket and pulled him in closer. You never wanted to let go. If this was a dream you never wanted to wake up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________You were taking back everything you said about bad kisses before. Your kokoro was doki doki-ing harder the longer you kissed. You let your hands move from his jacket to his shirt, touching his ribs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Suddenly you felt something cool pressing against your lower lip. You pulled back in shock and stared at the bright neon blue tongue peeking out of Sans’s mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________You pointed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“WOAH. WOAH. WOAH. WOAH….WOHA,” you said. “You have a tongue?! How the hell…why…you…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Sans merely winked before pulling you in for another kiss, this time letting his tongue snake into your mouth to play with yours. It was cold and slimy. Like seaweed. If seaweed was blue and sexy and tasted like blueberries. Did it naturally taste like that? Can he change it? Could you request for his tongue to taste like soft-serve vanilla ice cream?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________You moaned as your tongues fought for dominance. You let Snas explore every crevice of your mouth and you did the same for him. This felt amazing. This felt better than amazing. This felt like Heaven. Why did no one tell you kissing skeletons felt this good?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Suddenly Snanz pulled back, fire in his eyes (no, like, you meant that literally, I mean yeah metaphorically too but there was some literal blue fire magic shit happening in his eye hole you can’t make this up). You watched in awe as his flickering blue eye trailed over your body hungrily._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“i think i know what i want for christmas,” he said huskily._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Well then, feel free to unwrap your present, Sansta baby,” you said, flirty stroking the side of his skull._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“hell yeah,” he said, already pushing down the sides of your own jacket._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________You were excited now. If Sanasy had a bright blue tongue, you could only imagine what he could be packing away in his nethers, and you were oh so very extremely curious. You moved your hands from his skull to the waistband of his pants._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“you ready to have another skeleton inside you babe?” he whispered sexily into your ear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Hell yeah,” you mimicked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“good, cuz i can’t wait to take you to the bonezone.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Yes, GOD, yes, TAKE ME BONE DADDY.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________You finally pulled Sans’s pants off. You looked at his pelvis eagerly, hoping for a big, blue, throbbing, girthy, porno cock._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________…_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Sans, why is there a lightsaber in your pants?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> even in an april fool's post you get cock blocked lmao
> 
> art cred goes to [ Bittersweetdeath ](http://bittersweetdeath.tumblr.com/)


	6. The Road Trip & Wedding (pt.1) Incident [Sans's POV]

“Tell me a joke,” you said.

The two of you had been driving for nearly an hour now. Sans was looking out the window at the passing scenery. The two of you had been playing I Spy for the last fifteen minutes, and you had been getting frustrated at Sans’s success (hey, it wasn’t his fault that monsters could see more colors and with more clarity than humans). Still, it wasn’t any fun to lose all the time, so you had gone silent for a few moments. Sans finally thought he was going to get his nap, but he never turned down the opportunity to tell bad jokes.

“knock knock,” he said, already smiling to himself.

“Who’s there?”

“dishes.”

“Dishes who?”

“dishes probably the worst joke you’ve ever heard,” Sans said. He watched as your face contorted and you moved one hand from the wheel to hit him. He playfully dodged and laughed. The best jokes were the ones that got these kinds of reactions, especially from you. And Sans liked pushing your buttons, and so he continued, “actually, your text from this morning was probably the worst joke you’ve ever heard. i could come up with better jokes as a babybones.”

Ha. The disgruntled look on your face and having to dodge another half-hearted slap was worth it. 

“Sure, sure,” you said. “Well, we can’t all be comedic geniuses like you.”

Sans paused. He was waiting for the sarcastic tone that usually came when people said he was funny. He knew most of the time his jokes were stupid and cringe-worthy and, aside from Toriel, it was rarely the type of comedy most people actually thought was funny. Dumb puns and knock knock jokes were hardly knee-slapping and laugh till you cry material, after all.

But. You had sounded really genuine. He hesitated, and then asked you, “do you really think i’m funny?”

“Yeah, I do, Really funny, actually. Witty too, you’re good at thinking of jokes on the spot. I wish I could do that. When I think on my toes, I end up digging myself into a deeper grave. But. You make people laugh. It’s a good gift to have,” you said enthusiastically. Your soul was practically bursting with happiness, bright as a beacon. Too easy to read. 

Sans was staring out the window, not really looking at anything but wanting to avoid your gaze. He could already feel his cheekbones flushing. He wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting exactly. Maybe just a confirmation. But certainly not for you to go on about him. Sans felt a tinge of embarrassment, but he was also a little more than pleased.

“aw, gee, you flatter me so,” he said lightly, hoping that he didn’t sound as flustered as he was feeling. He was about to change the subject when you started talking again.

“You’re a really great brother too. I don’t know too many older siblings who care for their brothers and sisters nearly as nicely as you do for Papyrus…”

Sans started sinking a little into himself. He didn’t think it was all that special that he took such good care of Papyrus. He was his brother after all, and Sans loved him very much. Of course he was going to take of Paps as best as he could, he practically raised him. It wasn’t special, Sans thought. He doesn’t deserve the praise for something he should be doing anyway. 

But he didn’t get the chance to protest, because you kept barreling on, “And you’re so smart too. I remember what Alphys said. You basically have a PhD right? That’s really impressive. I’m sure if you went back to school you’d graduate almost right away…”

Sans could feel himself start to get warm. Not much to do in the Underground besides watch for humans and study. Almost everyone there had the equivalent to several degrees in _something_ it wasn’t anything to get worked up over. He wasn’t that smart, not really, and he stopped studying a long time ago. Everything he knew was probably incredibly outdated anyway and he would probably never go back to school even if he wanted to and would your soul just _stop buzzing so loudly and so brightly_ it was starting to feel like he was sitting next to the fucking sun.

“And you’re a really great friend,” you continued relentlessly. Sans was practically shaking now. _Please stop_ he begged. _I don’t deserve it. You don’t understand._ It was dumb, Sans knew, to get so worked up over a few nice things. But rarely did people compliment him and rarely did they have so much to say and rarely did their souls have as bright and happy of an intensity as yours did in this moment.

In fact, only one person Sans knew ever had so many nice things to say about him was Papyrus, and even then it wasn’t…it wasn’t quite like this. There was something, some feeling, you had that Paps didn’t, and Sans couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, but it made him sweaty and nervous and he didn’t know if he liked it.

“ya don’t have to…you…don’t have to sweet-talk me so much,” Sans finally mumbled, knowing how he must be looking to you. 

“Sorry,” you apologized. “Did I…embarrass you?”

Yes.

“nah,” Sans said, propping his arm against the window, trying to keep his cool. “just never been complimented so much before.”

“Remember what I said all those weeks ago? No self-deprecation.” Easier said than done. “You…you’re a great person. You deserve all the praise in the world.”

Sans didn’t really agree and if you knew what kind of a person he really was, what baggage he carried, you probably wouldn’t agree either. But he knew that if he argued, you would praise him even more and he wasn’t sure how much he could take, so he didn’t say anything and just watched passing cars from the window.

The two of you reached the hotel. You pulled into the parking lot excitedly. Sans grabbed his bag from the trunk of your car as you rambled about how happy you were to be there and how you couldn’t wait to see the wedding. Sans had to admit that he was pretty impressed with the place – it was easily the nicest place he would ever stay. He glanced around at the hotel lobby. A few people giving him wary glances. A few people pointing. Hushed whispers. He knew he was the only monster here. 

When you called out for your parents, Sans stayed back, a little worried. He knew he was only fake dating you, but he didn’t want to cause any trouble with you and your family. But you only grabbed his wrist and pulled him along with you. 

“This is Sans,” you said, clutching onto Sans’s arm protectively. Sans doubted your parents would be outwardly racist considering the circumstances. He was expecting the stiff politeness he got when interacting with most adult humans. He couldn’t even blame them. He knew that he creeped out most people.

But your mom stepped forward and brought him in for a warm hug. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said kindly. Your dad shook Sans’s hand – didn’t even flinch at the bone to flesh contact – and invited the two of you for dinner on the plaza. The two of you were really tired, though, so you declined, and Sans was thankful because he wasn’t sure if he could handle a dinner filled with endless questions and he was tired and all he wanted was a nap.

So you headed up to the room instead. Sans was right behind you as you entered and then stopped abruptly. Before Sans could ask what was wrong, there it was.

_Thump. Thump._

Clear as a bell, it was the sound of your soul stuttering. Sans still hadn’t figured out why it did that, but so far it seemed that whenever it happened you were unusually nervous. He peered over your shoulder to see what the cause of your anxiety was this time around. 

Ah.

One bed. Two people.

Sans didn’t particularly care. He’d shared a bed with other people before, and anyway wasn’t it not too long ago the two of you had fallen asleep on the couch together? But still, it clearly made you uncomfortable.

“i, uh, could sleep on the floor. or teleport home. wouldn’t bother me any-”

Sans didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence because you cut in. “No! It’s okay. Um. Don’t. Don’t worry about it. We’re like kind of dating right? Sort of…? I mean it, uh, I mean. Okay, what I’m trying to say is that, uh, it’s big enough. For the both of us. And I wouldn’t want to…you know, put you out or anything. And I don’t really mind! It’s okay. It’ll be like a sleepover. It’s uh…yeah. A sleepover. Nothing to worry about.”

“ok.”

“Yeah?”

Was this weird? Was he breaking some kind of human code of conduct?

“yeah. sleepover,” he confirmed.

“Right.”

You weren’t moving. Sans gave you a quizzical look and you squeaked and said something about getting into pajamas and bolting into the bathroom. Ok.

Sans opened his bag and pulled out a different shirt and sweats. He quickly changed and flopped down onto the bed. He picked up the remote and started flicking through the channels. News. Cartoons. Bad movie. More news. You were taking an awful long time. He settled for cartoons. Was this weird? he wondered. Maybe.

Eventually you came out of the bathroom and let out a giggle while pointing at his shirt. Sans looked down to see that the two of you had worn matching PB&J couples t-shirts. Sans would like to chalk it up to coincidence, but packing it wasn’t his idea, it was Papyrus’s (“SHE WILL DEFINITELY HAVE HERS AND IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOURS IT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE AN UNCARING BOYFRIEND”). 

You joined him on the bed and started to look for a good take-out place. Sans was about to say not to worry about feeding him since he brought his own food, but almost immediately you found a monster-fusion restaurant and that conversation ended before Sans could even get a word in. 

Pretty soon the two of you were watching a bad horror flick while eating pumpkin rings, hot cats, and glamburgers because of course this place was MTT owned. Still, Sans couldn’t wait to see the look on your face when you bit into a hot cat for the first time. 

“Did…did this just _meow_ at me?” you asked, slightly horrified. “I don’t know if I can eat this if it’s going to meow every bite.”

Sans snickered. “you want a way to make it stop?”

You nodded.

“ya gotta put one on your head,” he said, already placing a hot cat on the top of your head. He could hardly hold back his laughter.

You took another tentative bite. _Meow._

“It didn’t work you liar!”

“oh, you must need more then,” he said, stacking a second one.

You took another bite. _Meow._

“Sans!”

“what? i dunno what the problem is. maybe three is the charm.” Sans put another hot cat on your head. 

_Meow._

“Are you messing with me?!”

Sans put up his hands defensively, “nah, no, would i do that? i’m an honorable skeleton, a real cat-ch.”

“Oh my God I can’t believe I fell for this. Put hot cats on your head, really?” you said, removing them. 

Sans let out a loud laugh. He couldn’t believe you fell for it either. You threw the offending hot cats at him. He didn’t even care.

You cleaned up the rest of the food and finished watching the horror movie. Sans didn’t really mind. These horrible quality movies were usually the ones found in the dump so he was more or less used to terrible plot lines and poor effects, but you scoffed the whole way through and promised to show him some really good horror movies one day. 

Once the tv was off and the two of you in bed, Sans could sense your growing apprehension. “ya sure you’re okay with this?” he asked. “you’re not gonna be weird about it?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

Your soul stuttered again, but Sans figured if you really cared you would say something, so he shrugged and turned out the light. He turned over, clutched onto his pillow, and closed his eyes. He was asleep within seconds.

Sans had a rare night of pleasant dreams, a rarity as he usually didn’t dream and when he did it was mostly filled with awful nightmares.

He woke up when he felt you stir. Sans could feel your hand around his and he sleepily asked, “what’re ya doin?”

“Um…”

His fingers twitched and that’s when he felt something very soft and squishy and _why did this keep happening to him._ He opened his eyes and saw you glancing at him. His gaze flickered between your eyes and his hand and he was expecting you to slap him now and-

“YOU WERE GETTING FRESH WITH ME!”

Sans immediately retracted his hand and unhooked his leg – seriously, when did that happen – and started apologizing. “sorry, sorry, i didn’t meant to, i-”

“No, it’s okay, I know,” you said talking over him and turning away, clearly embarrassed. “Ah. Um. You. Uh. Really like cuddling is all. It’s fine. I get it. You were sleeping.”

Sans felt incredibly embarrassed. Pillows were usually enough to hold onto. He didn’t think he’d try and cuddle up to you or anything. “sorry, i don’t usually…” he paused, finding the situation too awkward to try and explain. “heh, i’d tell ya, but it’s embarrassing.”

He knew, of course, that you wouldn’t care whether or not something was embarrassing. In fact, he almost felt like he owed you an embarrassing moment or two considering…well, you, but the truth was he didn’t really want to admit to having bad dreams. No one really knew about it, save for Papyrus who had to drag it out of him, and even he didn’t know what they were about. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” you said softly. “But I mean, you’re talking to me here. The queen of royally embarrassing oneself. So, you know, it’d have to be something really bad to take that title from me. And I’ve seen you naked. Remember that? That was a thing.”

Thing was, Sans wasn’t particularly embarrassed by that. It was awkward, sure, since you knew each other, but it wasn’t like you got especially flustered by skeletal science models.

Or, who knows, maybe you did.

Humans were weird like that.

“I mean, like that’s typically the most vulnerable someone could be so I mean. You know. You kind of already used the trump card of embarrassing moments. And you know me. And for some reason my life was perfectly fine until we met and I became an embarrassing puddle of a human. I swear I’ve had more embarrassing moments in the last two months than in my entire life. Um. So,” you cut yourself off and gently touched Sans’s arm, “If there’s anything you want to tell me, go for it. Really. You can confide in your…um…verte-bae.”

Sans averted his gaze to look at the floor. He played with a few loose strings on the pillowcase, wondering if he should tell you. Deciding that it was only fair, he said, in as quiet of a voice as he could, “i sometimes get nightmares. bad ones. holding onto somethin while i sleep helps. usually pillows. i didn’t think i’d-” Use you as a human security blanket his mind supplied, but that was really too mortifying to admit. “sorry.”

“No! No! It’s fine. Thanks for telling me.”

Sans wasn’t going to give you the chance to pry, so he got out of bed. “breakfast?”

“Breakfast.”

Not even five minutes into breakfast did people start approaching. Sans did his best not to let his irritation show, but all he wanted to do was eat. Most people were strangers who came up to ask questions (and every single one just had to ask “But how do you eat if you’re a skeleton?” he gave up on a real explanation and just said “mmmmagic” with an exaggerated wiggle of his fingers). 

And then your parents showed up. You had warned Sans about your mother and her love of questions, but he wasn’t expecting them to sit down beside him and start their interrogation so early in the morning.

“We hear you have a degree. Did you get it validated by an accredited university?”

“nope.”

“Well, why not?”

Sans shrugged. Bite. Chew. Swallow.

“What do you do?”

“store clerk, ice cream man, security, odd jobs here and there, mostly.”

“Surely you have more ambition than that?”

“not a whole lot of places hire monsters.”

“Well that’s just terrible!”

Sans looked over at you, hoping you’d step in and say something, but you looked like you were in some kind of daze. He wasn’t sure what to say to your parents. He wasn’t a fancy doctor or a scientist. He _liked_ working odd jobs. Something new every day. Kept things interesting. Less of a rut. Every day was very distinct and different.

Eventually your parents left to go get ready. You were still in a complete daze, using your fork to move around your breakfast without actually eating any of it. 

“you ok? you’re kinda turning those pancakes into flatjacks the way you’re pushin em on your plate.”

“Yeah they’re the breast,” pause, “I mean best!” You quickly stood up, pushing your plate towards the center of the table. “I have to go and get ready.” You rushed off without even bothering to look back at Sans.

Sans pushed in his own plate, not really sure how to feel. You were clearly upset by what happened that morning, but he wasn’t sure what else he could do. He already apologized and explained himself. 

What was so special about fatty tissue sacks? They were clearly nothing but trouble as far as Sans was concerned. 

Welp. 

Sans stood up and pushed in his chair before shuffling back up to the room. He pulled his suit out of his garment bag – perfectly ironed thanks to Papyrus. Sans got dressed quickly and dug through his bags to find the bone cologne Papyrus told him to wear (“IT’S A VERY EXPENSIVE EDITION SANS, USED FOR WONDERFULLY SPECIAL OCCASIONS SUCH AS THIS! IT’S VERY IMPORTANT YOU WEAR IT TOO WOO YOUR WOMAN”).

Sans chuckled at the memory. Papyrus was very specific in his instructions – exactly 2 ½ sprays and to “NOT TO GET ANY OF IT ON THAT EXCUSE YOU CALL A SUIT OR THE SMELL WILL NEVER WASH OUT.” 

Sans was in the middle of trying to put on his bowtie when you finally came out of the bathroom. He glanced up at you and smiled, hoping that things weren’t still awkward.

“You…” you trailed off. “You clean up nice.”

Sans, remembering the barrage of praise you had given him yesterday, said, “aren’t you tie-red of givin me compliments?” as he held up one side of his tie.

“Want some help?”

Sans had no idea how to tie the thing, so he handed it to you and said, “that’d be tie-rrific.”

“Your puns are getting really tie-rrible,” you said. Sans laughed, mood lightening already. 

He noticed that you were staring at the pattern of the tie. “it’s a bow-ne tie,” he said, “isn’t it bow-tie-ful?”

You made a face. “That’s really pushing it.” Sans sat patiently as you wrapped the fabric around his neck and fumbled with it. Sans watched your face scrunch up in confusion. After a few minutes of fiddling with the fabric you finally sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing. Hang on, I’ll Google it.”

Sans sat back. Eh, who cares about a tie? He thought. Wouldn’t be the end of the world if he couldn’t wear it, would it?

“You could be looking it up too!” you said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He chuckled. “can’t,” he said, pulling the now-crumpled tie from his neck. He loosely threaded it between his fingers. “’m all tied up.”

Sans lazily laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling while you Googled. He hoped today would go well. It wasn’t starting off on the right foot and that made him a little disappointed. This was supposed to be fun, right?

“Okay, come here I think I’ve got it figured out now.”

Sans sat up and you took the tie from his hands and put it back around his neck, this time tying it correctly. You gently pat the tie and pulled back.

“so uh, do we go now?” Sans asked, shifting on his feet a little. You nodded, so he offered his arm, worried he was making you nervous (at least, he was pretty sure he heard a quiet stutter in your soul). “paps, uh, said the first step in being a gentleskeleton is to always offer your arm to a pretty lady.” 

“Oh really?” you asked, looping your arm around his. 

Sans lead the way out of the hotel room. 

“yeah,” he snickered, “only, when he told me i detached my arm and asked ‘like this?’ and then said if i had to, i could always disarm anyone within radius with my humerus charm and wit.” He laughed at his joke. 

Your looked at him with wide eyes. “You can detach your arm?”

“hmm? oh. yeah,” Sans shrugged. “no big deal. nothing to get all up in arms over. you wanna see?”

Sans kind of wanted you to say yes just so he could see your face once he did, but to his disappointment, you declined. Maybe it was too weird. Humans can’t detach their limbs, after all. 

After a bit of walking, you hesitantly said, “So…you think I’m pretty?”

Sans blinked a few times before remembering what he said back in the room. He looked at you, unsure of what to say. He didn’t know much about what it meant to be pretty in human terms. It was really subjective, wasn’t it? Sans recalled instances where he’s been called both “hideous” and “cute” by different humans. 

Papyrus once said that he admired your bone structure. As skeletons, it was kind of hard not to notice a person’s bones. Paps thought human bone structure was fascinating. Sans thought it was weird. So many tiny bones and all too fragile and easily broken.

“don’t really understand human beauty standards, but paps says ya got good bone structure…” and for full disclosure, “and a really nice soul.”

Soul energy was how most monsters determined attractiveness. A really beautiful soul was more important than any physical attributes. 

“Um. So can you like feel it? Like um. Is it like mind reading or something?”

Sans mulled this over. “’s like reading someone’s facial expression, but not.”

“Is that it?”

“bare bones explanation? every soul has a trait that more or less embodies who that person is. their, uh, core trait i guess. monsters more or less can sense it and decide if you’re a threat. when we say someone has a nice soul it means we can feel that you’re a good person. it’s not…i can’t read your mind or anything.”

To be fair, that was the truth for most monsters. Sans was just a bit more gifted at soul reading. The only upside to having only 1hp was a heightened sense of reading – his form of protection from threats. Whether he was born with it or learned it over time not even Sans knew.

Still. If you knew just how attuned to your soul Sans was, he knew you would freak out and start to overthink everything. In all honesty, it freaked him out a little too. It was rare he could feel emotions this well or feel any kind of soul movement, but he figured you must’ve been a lot like Papyrus – very trusting and the type to wear your heart on your sleeve, so to speak.

“So what does my soul feel like then?”

Sans studied you for a minute. Filled to the brim, practically bursting with happiness and excitement, burning like a wildfire. “warm and inviting.” Oozing sincerity and overwhelming earnestness. “genuine.” He paused and really focused. He could feel the faint vibrations of it moving. “a happy hum.”

“A happy hum?”

Yes. That was the most perfect and simplistic way he could describe what your soul felt like. A happy hum. “don’t gimme that look, i’ve never had to tell someone what their soul felt like before. it’s hard to explain.”

But you nodded contently. 

You arrived at the venue and sat down by your parents. Sans looked around at the church. It was pretty, but kind of stiff. He didn’t know much about human weddings, but he was pretty sure they only had one. Seemed kind of boring. 

Then the wedding started. The bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the aisle. 

“what do they do?”

“Oh, well, traditionally bridesmaids were used to trick demons so they wouldn’t attack they bride, or something like that. Not really sure what groomsmen do. It’s mostly cosmetic now anyway, they’re just important people in your life that you want to involve in the wedding.”

Next came two small kids, one that Sans recognized. 

“That’s the flower girl and ring bearer,” you whispered to him. “They’re the couple’s kids.”

“together?”

“No, separately. So they’ll be step siblings,” you explained. “Do they not have step families Underground?”

Sans shook his head, “’s pretty rare to have kids before entering a bond.”

“Didn’t think monsters would be so _traditional_ ”

“no, it just has a lot to do with intention,” Sans whispered back. “if you’re not in a full bond conception has less of a chance of working.” 

Finally the bride entered the church, grinning ear to ear, dress sparkling as she made her way down the aisle. Sans watched as she walked, slowly stepping towards her future husband. He turned to you, “who’s she walking with?”

“Her dad. It’s traditional. Like, he’s giving you away or something like that. It’s a bit of a dated tradition, but it’s really nice.”

“is she not going to her family again?” Sans asked.

“What? Of course she is,” you said, “It’s just a symbolic gesture, don’t worry.”

Sans watched the rest of the ceremony with mild interest. The priest (an important religious man, as you had explained) welcomed everyone and thanked them for being here. He read some stuff from a book that Sans couldn’t quite follow. This was a lot of talking for a wedding. 

And then the couple had their own vows. Sans listened as each person talked about how much they loved the other. How they met and how they knew the other was the one and how happy they were for this day. By the end of their talking they were both crying. Sans could hear you sniffling as well.

“you ok?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s just really beautiful. I love weddings.”

Sans hummed. This was okay, but not nearly as interesting as he was hoping, human weddings were pretty dull. He watched as the bride and groom kissed and everyone clapped. Sans wasn’t really sure what they were clapping for, but he applauded as well. The groom scooped up his bride and carried her down the aisle and out the church doors. Everyone started standing up to follow them outside.

…

Wait. 

“that’s it?”

“Well no, we’re about to go to the reception which is like…a big party and stuff. Why? What were you expecting?” you asked, nudging him a bit to get him to move.

Sans shrugged. “monster weddings are…different.”

This caught your attention. “Really? I mean, that makes sense. What are they like?”

“depends.”

“On?”

“on where you are in your bond.”

Typically monster weddings were done in stages, slowly getting more and more intimate the longer you were in a bond. The first wedding was more or less a huge party with everyone you know getting invited. Then it steadily got more serious until the final wedding where you were completely bonded.

“Sans, I’d really appreciate it if you would stop assuming I know anything about monsters. Because I don’t.”

“right, sorry,” he thought for a minute, “monster marriages are tricky because they don’t work unless your souls properly bond. it takes a while, so you can be ab-soul-utely sure you’re with the right monster.”

You merely nodded in understanding and the two of you went outside to wave the newlyweds off before the reception. As the two of you walked back, Sans overheard a few of the guests mention how wonderful and genuine the wedding vows were. 

“hey, what keeps humans together? vows?”

You seemed a little startled by his sudden question, but shrugged. “I mean…I guess? Vows are like a verbal promise, but there’s paperwork too. You need a marriage license. It keeps people from marrying more than one person, legally anyway.”

Sans thought about this for a minute. Seemed…lackluster. “a piece of paper?” You nodded. “but there’s nothing stopping you from leavin right?”

“I guess not. Divorce happens all the time. Do monsters not have love affairs?”

The thought of a monster having an affair after bonding was so unheard of, Sans cringed thinking about it. A monster might dust if that ever happened. “not if you bond.”

“What if you want to leave that person?”

It was such an impossible thing. Only one successful broken bond had ever occurred in monster history, and it wasn’t even a completely broken one. “you don’t want to leave. once you bond it’s a done deal.” It required too much commitment, too much of giving up yourself. 

A bond was an exchange. An exchange of everything you had, all your magic and thoughts and feelings. “you become one, i guess. you become soulmates.” It was a constant stream of oversharing, but Sans had a few friends with bonds and they said it was the most rewarding decision they ever made. Still. It wasn’t something he particularly thought was a good idea for himself to get involved with. Sans wasn’t sure if he’d ever find someone he trusted enough. 

Once the two of you arrived to the wedding reception, Sans looked around. Music was blaring and people were dancing. This was much closer to a monster wedding, albeit still not nearly lively enough. 

“Hey,” you said, holding out your hand, “ready to party human-style?”

Sans let out a laugh, but took your hand. “sure.”


	7. The Amended Papyrus Fanfiction Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (NOTE: NOT ACTUALLY A FANFICTION)

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE LIVED THE GREAT PAPYRUS, DATING MASTER (NOTE: HAS NEVER ACTUALLY DATED ANYONE, BUT HAS READ SEVERAL MANUALS ON THE SUBJECT). HE LIVED HAPPILY IN HIS HOME WITH HIS BROTHER AND RIGHT NEXT DOOR WAS HIS BROTHER’S GIRLFRIEND.

OR RATHER. HIS FAKE GIRLFRIEND. 

THE GREAT PAPYRUS, THE MASTER OF DATING, HAS NEVER SEEN SUCH A DISPLAY. THE INTRIGUE! THE ROMANCE! THE REJECTION! IT’S EVERYTHING A GREAT FANFICTION SHOULD HAVE!

THEY MET AT A PARTY WHERE SHE ARRIVED UNINVITED FOR FREE FOOD (NOTE: REMEMBER TO BUY EXTRA SPAGHETTI AT THE STORE THIS WEEK) AND A LIE SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL – THIS IS WHY YOU MUST ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH, OTHERWISE YOU MAY END UP ACCIDENTALLY DATING A SKELETON. APPARENTLY THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS. I DON’T MAKE THE RULES. 

THE GREAT PAPYRUS, UNAWARE OF THE SITUATION, BELIEVED THAT THE TWO WERE IN LOVE – AND HOW COULD HE NOT? ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE. SANS WAS DOING SOMETHING ASIDE FROM WHATEVER JOB HE WORKED. HE LIKED GOING OUT AGAIN. HE ENJOYED BEING IN THE COMPANY OF ANOTHER HUMAN! HE EVEN PARTICIPATED IN THE MWAHS!!

His soul was…

Happy. 

DATING MASTER PAPYRUS IS OFTEN CONSULTED ON MATTERS RELATED TO THE HEART, DESPITE NOT HAVING A LITERAL HEART HIMSELF (NOTE: DON’T TELL SANS I MADE A ‘HEARTLESS’ JOKE), AND THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS LEARNED MANY THINGS DURING HIS TIME HELPING OTHERS.

ONE OF THESE THINGS IS THE FACT THAT SOMETIMES SANS LIKES TO LIE. THIS IS NOT ALWAYS HIS FAULT, BECAUSE SANS IS A GOOD SKELETON WHO ENJOYS LOOKING OUT FOR OTHER PEOPLE, SUCH AS A SUPER COOL YOUNGER BROTHER WITH A LOT OF FEELINGS. 

BUT…

Sometimes I wonder if perhaps Sans even lies to himself.

THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS MANY THINGS: EXTREME SPAGHETTOR, MASTER OF DATING, FANFICTION FIEND, BUT AT THE TOP OF THE LIST IS SANS EXPERT. 

SO MUCH SO THAT I KNOW ONE DAY SANS IS GOING TO WAKE UP AND REALIZE WHAT’S MAKING HIM SO HAPPY. AND THAT IS WHEN THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL STRIKE HIS MOST AMAZING PLAN YET! (NOTE: DOES NOT YET ACTUALLY HAVE AN AMAZING PLAN) NYEH-HEH-HEH!!!

…

OH.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FANFICTION, WASN’T IT?

UM.

NEXT TIME I WILL FLOOR YOU WITH SUCH AN AMAZING STORYLINE YOU WILL FORGET THAT THIS CHAPTER EVEN HAPPENED.

(BECAUSE AS FAR AS SANS IS CONCERNED, IT DIDN’T. WINK)


	8. The Alphyne Fanfiction Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a dark and stormy night.
> 
> A couple with too much time on their hands try to write a fanfiction.

_It was a dark and stormy evening. The street was empty save for the group of human girls giggling as they walked along the sidewalk. They entered a dark alley, guided only by the faint streetlights and the big ass neon sign that read STRIPPERS HERE --_

“Undyne! You n-need to set up the ambience!”

“What? This is straight forward and to the point. No one cares about ambience in trash fiction like this.”

“I-I do!”

“Pffft, baby I know you’re just a big ol’ romantic softie. BUT THIS IS A FICTION ABOUT STRIPPERS.”

“Undyne.”

“Okay, okay.”

_\--guided only by the faint streetlights, the women moved towards a strip club, the only building open for blocks. They entered the club, still giggling as they thought of the night they were about to have, a night filled with--_

“DEBAUCHERY.”

_\--a night filled with--_

“SEX STUFF.”

_\--a night filled with--_

“Nghaa. Romance?”

_\--a night filled with romance._

_Our protagonist, a beautiful art student, was a tagalong in this group She was nice, fun to talk to, but very awkward, and not really the type to go to strip clubs. Still, her friends were excited and she was planning on having a good time._

_The girls took their place at the edge of the stage and the lights dimmed. Human men came out, parading their abs and muscles for the gaggle of thirsty bitches, but it was doing absolutely nothing for our girl. She decided to excuse herself for a moment and she moved to a darkened corner of the club where she could be alone and away from the noise. She was in the middle of sending a text to explain that she was disappointed and leaving when a deep voice called from behind her, “hey there.”_

_She jumped, surprised, and turned to see a skeleton standing right behind her, dressed as a sexy--_

“Hm. What’s super sexy?”

_\--a sexy police officer--_

“D-don’t look at me l-like that!” Alphys squeaked.

_\--with his shirt half unbuttoned, hat precariously tilted on the side of his skull. His eyes were half lidded, pupils shining in the dim light. She couldn’t help it, she let her eyes roam._

_“like whatcha see?”_

_She nodded, wordlessly._

_“you tryin to leave?” he asked._

_“This isn’t really my scene,” she said nervously._

_“what if i make staying worth your while?” he said, gently pulling on her arm and leading her down a darkened hallway._

_“This isn’t where I came from,” she said._

_“i know,” he replied, “i’m gonna give you a private show.”_

_She blushed. “But, I don’t even know your name.”_

_The skeleton thought pensively for a minute, and then said, “you can just call me bone daddy.”_

“Undyne!” 

“PFFFFFFFFT! I’M KEEPING IT IN THERE.”

_He stroked her cheek lightly with his thumb, making her face tingle. “well then?”_

_“Alright. Bone daddy. Lead the way.”_

_He lead her into a room and directed her to sit on one of the chairs. “ever get a lap dance from a skeleton before?”_

_She shook her head, but was feeling excited that she was about to._

_He started unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, letting it hang open and loose around him. He removed his hat and placed it upon her head before lowering himself into her lap, grinding his pelvis--_

“Uh. I-I, d-don’t think I c-can write about S-sans this w-way,” Alphys said, blushing and covering her face with her claws bashfully. 

“Babe. We gotta. We gotta GIVE THIS FANFICTION OUR ALL. This can be our legacy!”

_\--grinding his pelvis into her. She raised one of her hands to his chest. “Can I…?”_

_“go right ahead baby.”_

_She slowly dragged her fingers along his sternum. He began to slowly unbuckle his belt. “wanna see more?”_

_She nodded slowly and swallowed nervously._

_“Good,” he responded, removing the belt entirely, “cuz i got a bone-r for you.”_

“What?” Undyne asked, looking at Alphys’s unamused expression. “He’s still Sans.”

“D-don’t you think it’s m-moving a little fast?”

“Well. YEAH. But NO ONE’S GONNA READ UNLESS WE GET A MOVE ON WITH THE ACTION.”

Undyne paused.

“S-sweetie?”

“Do...do we give him a dick?”

Alphys thought about this seriously for a moment and then said, “W-well. Skeletons can g-give themselves synthetic skin. S-so...it’s not a stretch to s-say he could m-make one with magic.”

“A synthetic magic penis?”

“Y-yes.”

“PFFFFFFTUFUHUHU. MAN, NO ONE’S GONNA BUY INTO THAT,” Undyne shouted, laughing so hard tears were coming into her eyes. “OH MY GOD. HE’S BEST AT BLUE MAGIC ISN’T HE? CAN YOU IMAGINE. A MAGICAL BLUE MEAT MACHINE. A MAGICAL BLUE SKELETON DONG. A SKELEDONG.”

“Undyne-” Alphys said, trying to reel in her fiancee, but it was too late. The damage was done.

“JUST SAY IT ALPHIE. SKELEDONG.”

The fanfiction went unfinished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 500 follows on tumblr!  
> *pops party popper*
> 
> Inspired by a comment from ImmortalAmity   
> "do you know if it's possible to maybe get a bonus, non-canon chapter about if Sans was working as a stripper in the strip club, instead of the security guard?"


	9. The Underswap Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if it was the smol blueberry that our darling Squish had met?

**CHAPTER 1**

“human!”

You turned around to see a tiny skeleton, dressed in what looked to be sewn armor, complete with shoulder pads, gloves, and a small handkerchief tied around his neck. So adorable. Too adorable to be real.

“i am the magnificent sans!” he said boastfully smiling, “and being the magnificent skeleton that i am i must capture any unauthorized humans! unless, of course, you have an invitation from papy!” 

God damn. This cutie patootie skeleton could capture you any day. But, you didn’t really want to get kicked out. You scrambled to think of an excuse. Saying you were party crashing for free food just wouldn’t do! “Uh…I don’t have an invitation from…um…Papy, but I’m…uh…I’m dating his brother!”

Sans’s pupils began to grow and slowly form stars (uh?). He looked as if he were about to say something, but suddenly a taller skeleton in an orange hoodie smoking a cigarette appeared behind him. “Hey There. Howzit Goin?”

“papy! i just got a girlfriend and i don’t even know her name yet! i must be better at this dating thing than i thought! mweh-heh-heh!”

Wait what.

The taller skeleton, Papy you guessed, raised a brow bone and removed the cigarette from his mouth. “Nice Going Bro. I Knew You’d Catch A Human One Of These Days.”

Sans gasped. “you’re right! i did, didn’t i?”

“Uh,” you cut in. “I’m not really-”

“Name’s Papyrus, Kid. Glad To See You Datin My Bro Here,” Papyrus stuck out his hand to shake. And damn, the guy looked a little intimidating. “Sure Would Be A Shame If You Were To Crush His Happiness.”

You gulped. 

Just what had you gotten yourself into?

 

**CHAPTER 3**

“papy look it’s my girlfriend!”

“Hey Wouldja Lookit That.”

You nervously waved hello as the two skeletons walked up to the counter. “Hey guys, what a surprise it is to see you in here. What can I get you?”

Papyrus tugged on the edge of Sans’s scarf and leaned in to whisper something. Sans’s pupils widened. “are you sure?” Papyrus nodded. “well okay!”

Sans walked up and leaned against the countertop. 

“What’ll it be?”

“i want a coffee! hot and sweet, just like you!”

…

Did he just…?

You couldn’t help it, a snort of laughter escaped from you. 

Sans began blushing a bright blue and he started pouting. Oh no. It’s cute. “papy! you said that would work!” 

Aw, now you felt kind of bad. “Oh, don’t worry, it, uh, totally did. I’m flattered, really.”

“r-really? i mean, yes, of course! my flirting skills are unmatched. i am magnificent after all! mweh-heh-heh!” 

You scribbled MAGNIFI-SANS on the side of the cup and started pumping a few shots of sweetener into the cup. Aw, he was already counting out his change. He really did seem very sweet, but you knew you should tell him that you weren’t actually his girlfriend. You poured in the hot coffee and placed the cup in front of him. 

You were about to say the drink was $1.10, but then you figured, what the hell, just give the cutie a free drink. “On the house, sugar skull.”

Once again you witnessed his large white pupils form stars in his sockets. “wowzers. did you hear that papy?! a pet name of my very own!” He cleared his throat, “human! i think it is time we take the next step in our relationship. i formally invite you to taco night, which is conveniently tonight! you'll come, wontcha?”

“Yeah, You’ll Come Right?” Papyrus asked. 

Free food? You’re so in. Plus, it would give you the chance to sit down with Sans and talk about…uh…your “relationship,” and how maybe you should start off as friends. You nodded to show your agreement and Sans punched the air in excitement. 

“oh, and one last thing!” he said, motioning for you to lean down a bit. 

“Yeah, what is-mmf”

Sans grabbed the sides of your face and pulled you into a quasi-kiss. You barely had any time to react to your mouth on his teeth before he pulled back with a satisfied “MWEH!” You blinked in shock and didn’t even register the skeletons leaving the store. 

“Hee hee looks like you totally liked smooching that skeleton.”

“Stuff it, 01.”

 

**CHAPTER 8**

“this is my friend grillby!” Sans said, excitedly pointing to his fiery friend. You and Sans were out at Grillby’s Cafe, a small bakery just a short trip downtown. 

He chuckled, the flames of his hair crackling. You could almost make out a smile. You and Sans sat down at a table. Small soot balls scootched their way onto the table to take your order. You pointed at some tasty treats pictured in the menu, and they scootched away, leaving scorch trails behind.

“this was my favorite place to go in the underground!”

“Yeah?” you asked with a smile. Quite a few customers greeted Sans happily when the two of you walked through the door. 

“yeah! papyrus was always hiding away in muffet’s bar, so i came here instead!”

The cafe looked very Alice in Wonderland-esque. The other patrons were chatting amiably with each other and giving you and Sans a few playful glances. You were pretty sure they supported you, although you felt a little self-conscious from all of the staring. 

Grillby returned to your table and set up two small teacups. He filled each one with a bright pink tea and then he set down a large lava cake in the shape of a heart. 

“Clever,” you said, chuckling a little bit.

Grillby crackled as he laughed and a few of the soot balls brought you your silverware. You let Sans cut into the cake and giggled when you watched his pupils go from circles to stars as the cake oozed. You would never tire of that expression. 

You picked up your teacup and took a tentative sip. Sweet. Like cranberries and chocolate blended together. Mm. You took another sip. Ahh.

“you like it?” Sans asked, sipping his tea as well.

“Mmmmmmm. What’s it called?”

“amorentea! it’s a love potion!”

You choked. “A what?!”

“oh human! have you _never_ heard of a love potion before? what a sad life you must have lived. but never fear! the magnificent sans is here to save the day!” Sans said, happily topping off your tea cup. “drink! it’s really good!” he took several sips.

Well...Sans seemed fine, although his pupils were starting to dilate into hearts. Aw, it was really cute. He also had a small blue blush dusting his cheekbones. 

“drink up! it’ll make you feel really happy and warm. like a hug for your insides!” 

You took a big gulp this time. This was the sweetest and best tasting tea you’ve ever had. Mm.

“Ahh.”

Although, if you were being honest, you were starting to feel a little weird. Like you needed to dry hump something into oblivion.

Wait, what?

“Sa-hans,” you whined.

Sans, still heart-eyed and blue faced but as oblivious as ever, tilted his head to the side (fuck that was so cute and you wanted you needed to squish that precious face) and said, “yes?”

“Saaaaaaans, pleeeeeaaaassseee,” you begged, reaching over the table and pulling on his scarf to bring him towards you. 

“uh...human...you’re...getting really, really close to-”

You kissed him with everything you had, feeling a spark and warm tingle when you finally pulled away from him. The other patrons of the cafe watched you, some looking at you slyly and some giving Sans a huge thumbs up. 

“w-wowzers...”

He looked completely dazed, like he wasn’t expecting the kiss to come. You covered your mouth to cover your growing blush and your mortification.

Welp, looked like you could never show your face here in this cafe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna do another one of these for Underfell, so if there's a specific incident you wanna see with Red (or another incident you want me to recreate with Blue), leave a comment down below!! :)


	10. The Underfell Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “hey there sweetcheeks, ya sure you’re in the right place?”
> 
> You shivered. You were definitely not in the right place.

**CHAPTER 1**

“hey there sweetcheeks, ya sure you’re in the right place?”

You shivered. You were definitely not in the right place. While monsters had been up on the surface for a while now, everyone was still wary of them - and for good reason. Not only did they all look like they wanted to kill you, most of them were pretty mean when you’ve tried to talk to them. You crashed this party not knowing it was full of monsters and now you were just looking to leave.

“names sans, sans the skeleton,” he held out his hand for you to shake, but you stayed rooted in your spot.

Super. Intimidating. Skeleton. 

He let out a loud, roaring laugh. “what? afraid the big, bad monster’s gonna eat ya?”

Yes.

You stayed quiet, and didn’t move a muscle. He frowned. “ey, bitch, anyone tell you it’s fuckin impolite to leave a guy hangin?”

You hesitantly grabbed the skeleton’s hand and shook it gently, but he squeezed tight and a painful jolt of electricity shot up through your arm. You yelped in surprise.

Sans started laughing at you, clutching his sides a little. “heheheh, a bit shockin, ain’t it, girlie?”

You shivered.

“so, what’s a pretty little thing like you doin in a shithole like this? boss ain’t one to bring a human around. unless ya came with somebody?” he started leering over you. “or maybe ya came to find somebody, hm?”

Boss? Sounded very threatening. You were going to try and use that to your advantage and get this skeleton away from you. You cleared your throat and put on your best confident face, hoping you could fool him. “Yeah, well, Boss made an exception for me. I’m dating their brother you see so. Kindly back off. You wouldn’t want to make him mad.”

Sans just stared at you. And then howled with laughter. “heh, ya know sweetcheeks, his bro is a real bonafide monster. doesn’t bother ya any?”

“Nope. Not at all.”

“SANS YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING LAZY-OH,” Another skeleton. This one even scarier than Sans. “WHAT IS THIS THING DOING HERE?”

“eh, sorry boss-”

Boss?

Wait.

Shit.

No. 

“this is my girlfriend.”

**CHAPTER 2**

You woke up to someone flicking you in the forehead.

“Ow, shit,” you said, waving the hand away before opening your eyes and realizing you were face to face with none other than the scary skeleton from two weeks ago. You let out a loud shriek.

“sup?”

You screamed again.

“geez, fucking keep it down will ya?”

You took in a deep breath. “What are you doing here?”

He blinked owlishly at you, then smirked. “hate to break it to you, sweetcheeks, but you’re the one who came looking for me. guess ya couldn’t stand to be away from your bone-friend very long.”

You couldn’t remember anything from the night before. Did this guy drug you? You knew many monsters were cautious around humans because of the severe difference in strength but...you gulped. That didn’t mean they weren’t clever.

“I will call the police!” you threatened. “I’ve got mace in my pocket and I’m not afraid to use it!”

Sans pulled out the small bottle. “i’m not stupid, darlin. now, to catch you up to speed, you were drunkenly petting this annoying as fuck dog outside at 3 in the morning.”

...

Sounds about right.

“i come out, you’re causin a racket. i say, heh, surrounded by bitches, what else is new, you look up, the dog bites ya, you scream and throw up on my sneakers.”

You felt a small twinge of guilt and embarrassment, but also this guy seemed like a grade-A asshole, and those feelings were quickly squashed. Who wears sneakers at 3 in the morning, anyways?

“Okay, well, thanks for taking me in. That was really nice of you. And, uh, I guess I’ll be going now...”

“not so fast.”

He moved so quickly you could barely register it. You gulped as he loomed over you. He was fairly imposing for someone who wasn’t even that big. You sank a little in your spot.

“see, boss still thinks we’re together.”

“What the _fuck_? Why?”

“because he’s been nagging me about goin out sometime soon. you know monsters can’t go most places without human escorts, right.”

You nodded, not liking where this was going.

“so you’re gonna pretend to date me and you’re gonna pretend to like it and the boss and i are gonna get to go where we want.”

You wanted to spit in this guy’s face. “What do I get out of it?”

“you get to live,” he said, digging his fingers into your wrists.

“I’m several thousands of dollars in debt with no job lined up after college,” you said dryly. “You’ll have to try harder than that.”

Sans released your hands to dig in his pockets. He pulled out a few gold coins and chucked them on the coffee table. “yours, for a price.”

Welp. Guess you were gonna date a skeleton.

 

**CHAPTER 6**

“I WANT SOME I-SCREAM FROM THE I-SCREAM GUY!” Nathan shouted, pulling you along towards the ice cream cart.

You had nothing against i-scream, but you always had this overwhelming fear of finding some kind of razor blade within the treat. It was a baseless, and probably racist, assumption, but it loomed over your head as you started leading him away from the ice cream and towards the playground. “We can stop for ice cream on the way home, okay?”

“NO! I WANT THE I-SCREAM NOW!!!!”

...brat.

Okay, fine. You started walking back towards the cart when you saw a familiar looking skeleton snoozing on top of it.

Oh. Hell no.

Before you could walk away (Nathan’s kicking and screaming be damned), he cracked open one eye and spotted you almost immediately. He waved impishly. You managed to force out a smile.

“what can i do ya for?”

“I WANT SOME I-SCREAM!”

“is this snot-nosed brat yours?”

You clutched Nathan’s shoulder protectively. “Family friend, be nice.”

Sans groaned as if it physically pained him to consider being nice to someone, but he shrugged. “eh, whatever. whaddya want?”

Nathan ordered a death by chocolate i-scream and you ordered a scary cherry bisicle. The flavors would be amusing if you weren’t afraid they weren’t actually going to kill you. Once Nathan got his treat, he rushed towards the playground, leaving you alone with Sans.

“what? afraid of the big scary skeleton are ya?”

You started eating your popsicle and pointedly ignored him. He hated when you did that.

“hey, i’m trying to have a fucking pleasant conversation here.”

“So you need to do me a favor,” you said, rather boldly.

“bitch fucking ignores me and wants a favor?”

You flipped him off as you sucked on your ice cream. Cherry actually wasn’t so bad. It had the weirdly tingly quality all monster food had though, and you didn’t know if you liked it or not.

You briefly explained your predicament - resident weirdo Milton was supposed to be your wedding date and you really couldn’t let that happen. You seriously weighed your options and came to the conclusion that, yes, Sans really was the better choice. It pained you to even think that.

“geez, you wanna get kicked out of that wedding? there’s no way they’d ever let me in.”

You’d feel sorry for him if he hadn’t thrown the other half of your bisicle into the dirt in the middle of your story. Asshole.

“I’ll handle it,” you said, sucking the juice out of your popsicle. You really had to savor it now. You could feel some of the sticky juice run down your chin. Ugh, gross.

“heh...ya know, if you want me to do you this favor, you could treat me to a little taste of what you’re doin to that popsicle.”

You blinked at Sans blankly and pulled the popsicle out of your mouth. Realization dawned on you as he leaned over the cart counter and lewdly stared. You glanced back at your ice cream...

And then took a huge bite, ripping half of what was left off the stick. You chomped on it loudly, while making direct eye contact.

Sans winced and pushed himself away from you. You heard a brief, quiet, “never mind i don’t want your dirty mouth on me anyway.”

Maybe, if things had been any different, you would’ve actually asked about how skeletons had sex.

 

**CHAPTER 16**

You were really tired of anime.

Actually, you were just really tired of gory, bloody, violent anime. Which is all anyone at this get-together seemed to want to watch. Hell, they _cheered_ the more violent and gruesome a scene got. Why were you even invited? Did they enjoy watching you squirm?

...

Eh...probably.

But eventually the late hours of the night turned into the _very_ early hours of the morning and it was time for everyone to go home. You were about to leave when Sans took hold of your wrist.

“stay just a sec, will ya?”

...Ugh, what could he possibly want? But you agreed anyway. Alphys and Undyne practically squealed with amusement as they left the apartment - off to go to...well, god knows what. Papyrus retired to his room, looking annoyed, but you were pretty certain that was just his face.

“let’s watch another.”

Whaaaaaaat?

“I’m sorry, was all this gore-porn not enough to satiate you?” you asked. “I’m not interested in giving myself anymore nightmares than I already have.”

“hey, calm the fuck down. i’ll even let you pick.”

...

You didn’t really understand why Sans wanted you to stay, but you sighed. Fine. You shuffled over to the TV where the bag of anime was sitting by the DVD player. You sifted through the choices...and most of them were pretty gross looking. Even the mild ones looked pretty grotesque...and then at the very bottom of the bag...

You placed the DVD into the player and moved back to Sans, plopping yourself in the spot next to him, looking very satisfied with yourself.

“what’s with your face?”

You just smiled innocently as the title screen popped up.

_Kiss Kiss Fall in Love!_

“hell no,” he said, reaching for the remote. You picked it up and blocked it.

“You said I got to pick!”

“i didn’t know shit like this was in there!” he said as he started fighting you for the remote. “turn it off.”

“No!”

He tried to yank the remote from out of your hands and it landed on the floor with a loud clatter. The two of you dove for it at the same time, you snatched it, but Sans was stronger. He pinned you down by resting his knees on your arms and sitting on your stomach. You squirmed as best as you could and didn’t loosen your grip on the remote.

“Get off!” you shouted.

“heheheh, ya sound so eager for me to whip it out and start jackin’ it right here in the living room.”

“Ew, you’re so gross!” you said as you squirmed to get out of his grip. “You know what I meant.”

“SANS,” Papyrus’s voice boomed through the hallway, “I THOUGHT I HEARD A SCREAM AND WE AGREED NO TORTURE CHAMBERS IN THE LIVING-OH.” He was standing in the doorway, brow bone raised.

“sup boss?”

Papyrus looked up at the tv where the first episode of Ouran was still running. He looked at Sans with a mix of disappointment and amusement.

“uh...this isn’t what it looks like?”

Papyrus pinched his nasal bone. “IF YOU’RE GOING TO FORNICATE WITH YOUR DISGUSTING HUMAN, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS KEEP IT OUT OF MY PRISTINE LIVING ROOM.” He focused on the screen again and grimaced. “AND YOU CAN KEEP YOUR GARBAGE TELEVISION OUT OF MY HOUSE. NOW, IF YOU’LL EXCUSE ME, I SUPPOSE I WILL BE TAKING MY LEAVE TO UNDYNE’S TO LEAVE YOU TO...MATE.”

Your cheeks tinged with embarrassment as Papyrus left the apartment. Sans got up and dusted his shorts off.

“i’m bored now. get the fuck out of my house.”

**CHAPTER 29**

You felt like crap, you probably looked like crap, and you just wanted to sleep so you could be done with this cold.

_BANG BANG BANG_

What.

_BANG BANG BANG_

You rolled over. Oh God, why was someone banging your door at this hour? You hid your head underneath your pillow. The banging stopped, but before you could thank your lucky stars, you heard the door be forcibly opened and then your bedroom door was swung open as well.

“WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?”

You looked at Papyrus blearily. “Sick,” you said, gesturing to the pile of tissues on your bed.

“OH GOD. YOUR TIME IS UP ALREADY? HUMANS ARE SO FRAGILE. YOU CAN’T DIE YET. I’VE BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO A CERTAIN LIFESTYLE AND YOUR UNTIMELY DEPATURE IS A SERIOUS INCONVENIENCE TO ME.”

“Nice to hear how much you care,” you said, rolling over. “Go away.”

“SANS. FIX IT.”

You heard the shuffling of Sans’s sneakers as he approached the bed and the clicking of Papyrus’s boots leaving the room. You felt the bed sink under Sans’s added weight.

“you look like shit.”

“Fuck off.”

“i mean that in a please don’t die or the boss will kill me kind of way.”

You wanted to roll your eyes, but your head hurt too much. “You can’t be serious,” you croaked. “It’s a cold, not the plague. Give me a few days and I’ll be back to normal.”

“honey there ain’t nothin normal about ya.”

You threw a pillow at his head and went back to sleep. When you woke up there was a steaming cup of…something…on your bedside. What the hell? You looked around the room. Sans was snoozing on the floor. Did he…do a kind thing for someone? You were…confused. Very confused. But you took the cup and smelled it. Seemed safe? You took a sip and-

Immediately spit it back out. “What the _fuck_ Sans?” you screeched, causing him to jump out of his slumber “Are you trying to kill me faster?”

“i know it’s nasty, just drink it,” he said, already by your side. He forcefully tipped the cup in your mouth and laced his fingers through your hair. You coughed and sputtered and tried to dodge it, but he held you very still until you drank most of the…tea? (probably poison though).

“you’re welcome.”

You wanted to gag. “That tasted like literal gasoline.”

“yeah well you already have more color in ya, so shut the fuck up.”

You huffed and tried to burrito yourself in your blanket. You were shivering now. When did it get so cold in here?

“cold?” Sans asked snidely.

“What’s it to you?” you snapped. “Are you gonna do anything about it? Last I checked you didn’t know any fire magic. And even if you did, you’d just burn me.”

Sans flushed a bright scarlet. “i would not. you're such a bitch when you’re sick, you know that?! i tried to fucking help you out and you just-”

“You’re an ass all the time, what’s your excuse?”

“you know what, fuck you.”

“Fuck you!”

You expected Sans to turn around and walk out, but instead he climbed into bed with you, unfurled you from your burrito, and pulled you in close. You’d almost say you were spooning. He readjusted the blanket and pillows so you could both lay comfortably in bed. You squirmed, but his grip was too tight.

“What are you doing?”

“just shaddup and don’t say a fuckin word to boss.”

Suddenly you felt your shivers begin to disappear as a warm tingle trailed over your body. It started at the midsection of your back where you were most closely pressed up against Sans. You felt waves of heat trickle through your body, instantly relaxing you. It was like. A nice summer day. Or a cozy bath. And you were enveloped in this gentle display of magic, completely at loss for words.

Like, seriously, what the hell? It was a complete 180 of how he normally was with you? Every time you thought you understood this guy, he did something totally weird to surprise you.

Sans loosened his grip on you a bit, but you were okay to sit snugly with your back against his chest. You didn’t realize monsters could have such gentle magic. You thought their only purpose was to destroy. Why go through all this trouble just for you?

You breathed out. Your head was starting to feel all foggy with sickness. You let your eyes close and you began to relax. Well, if Sans decided to steal your soul while you were asleep and vulnerable, at least you’d go out feeling this gentle comfort.


	11. The Nightmares Incident [Sans's POV]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans is a touch starved awkward bean who dreams of bad things.
> 
> And, okay, some good things too.

Judgement Hall.

It _always_ started in the Judgement Hall. 

Silence.

Darkness. 

Pain.

He stood there, staring into the black abyss, waiting for whoever was going to come through that door next.

Frisk.

But not Frisk. Not really. 

Frisk wasn’t a killer.

But they always _looked_ like Frisk and that was sometimes enough to be wary. 

He waited.

A standoff.

They look pretty pissed. Maybe he got them in a past dream.

Heh. Well. 

Guess the anomaly wasn’t stopping anytime soon. 

But they didn’t move. They just stood there, smiling. Waiting for his move first? Well, alright. Sans raised his hand to blast them…

When you walked in.

…

What?

He took a step back, emitting a loud sneaker squeak in the otherwise empty hallway. What were you doing here? You just stood there, staring at him, blank look in your eyes.

_Save her like you couldn’t the others._  
SaVE. prOteCT. SAVE HER. Protect **her**.   
she n **E** e **D** S **yo** UU.  
 _SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE_  
She’ll die without you.  
Pro _TECT_ PROTECT protect.  
loST ScARed   
**how D A R E you**  
SAVE HER  
HELP  
HELP  
HELP  
 _HELP_  
 **SAVE**  
HELP  
PROTECT

The words were pounding from within Sans’s skull. 

The child charged, brandishing a knife, why is it here. Sans was quick to counter with a bone attack that pierced them through the chest.

_No._  
No.  
 **No.**

That wasn’t the kid.

It was **Y O U**.

Sans stepped back, horrified, as he watched the blood pour out of your chest and listened to your piercing screams. He turned to see the kid standing behind him, laughing. Using his magic, he threw them into the adjacent wall.

But when they lifted their head, it wasn’t them.

It was **Y O U**. 

Beaten. And bloody. And still screaming.

He turned around again, the kid was over on the other side of the room. This time Sans just charged at them and lifted them by the throat himself. They didn’t even look disturbed, they just winked.

It was **Y O U**.

Suffocating, by his own hand.

KillER. You want her _D E A D_.  
Dead where she stands.  
 _How D A R E she?_  
kiLLer. KILL. KILL KILL KILL KILL  
you’re _NOTHING_  
you’re _WORTHLESS_  
she’s better **w i t h o u t** YOU   
De **STRO** y  
You are a _MON_ stER  
SHE WILL DIE because of YOU   
KILL KILL KILL **KILL**

He couldn’t stop. He was shaking. He wanted to help you. He wanted to protect you. Hasn’t that been all of what he’s been doing? Why? This isn’t fair. Why are you here? 

**GET OUT**  
 _LEAVE_  
WHY DID YOU COME INTO MY LIFE

K I L L   
P R O T E C T

L O V E  
H A T E

_Does it even matter?_

Whatever he did, whatever move he made, you were there to die.   
Again.  
AGAIN.  
Over. And over.  
Why are you here.

Help.  
…please.

_**C R A C K** _

“Ow, fffu-”

Sans opened his eyes. Where was he? It was dark. He took a sharp inhale. 

_She’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead._  
I killed her.  
She’s dead.  
I can’t believe I fucking killed her.   
She’s dead she’s dead she’s dead. 

Sans could barely hear his own thoughts over his own shaking, but his eyes refocused and he was able to see you leaning over him wearing an extremely worried expression. Relief flooded his soul. He reached out towards you, hands still shaking, but he had to make sure that you were actually there with him. 

“It’s okay,” you said soothingly, “you were just having a nightmare.”

He couldn’t even be mad that you broke into his room to wake him up. He couldn’t even be embarrassed that you were seeing him so vulnerable. 

He thought he lost you.

“good,” he finally said, letting out another breath.

“Do…um, do you want me to get you something? Like a glass of water or…?” you were being so kind. Sans almost didn’t want to let you out of his sight, but he thought he might start crying if you stuck around before he could recompose himself.

So he nodded.

You gently rubbed your hand against his skull and then hurried out of his room.

Sans lay in bed. “ _shit_ ,” he hissed.

Nightmares weren’t exactly uncommon. He got them frequently. Sometimes they were incredibly realistic. Sans had a theory that some of them were glimmers into alternate timelines where things did not as smooth. 

God he hoped that wasn’t the case here.

The majority of his bad dreams were centered around Papyrus dying in a variety of ways. After years of prodding, Sans finally broke down and told his brother about them, leaving out the possibility that there was some truth to the dreams. Since then, Papyrus has always been so accommodating and can even tell when Sans had a bad dream. Those days Papyrus would concede training and spend the day being a lazybones in bed so Sans could feel better.

Man, his bro was the coolest.

But, he wasn’t sure how you’d react. It’s creepy to dream about you dying, let alone him being your executioner. 

He rolled over in his bed and shut his eyes. Maybe he could just pretend he was asleep so you wouldn’t ask him what his dream was about or if he wanted to talk about it. Because right now he didn’t, but he didn’t want to sleep either. 

He heard his door open and shut with a soft click and your feet shuffling across the floor. The glass went on the bedside table and he felt a weight join him on the edge of his bed. He stiffened slightly and hoped you didn’t notice. 

_ohh…_

You were rubbing his back now. Sans could feel your fingers trace along his scapula and each of the individual vertebrae of his spine. The pads of your fingertips felt soft even through his shirt, you were being so delicate so as not to hurt him. Sans was really glad that you couldn’t see his face because he was definitely blushing right now. 

He couldn’t even remember a time when someone touched him like this.

…It was nice.

It was funny, since you had admitted your feelings the line between what was romantic and platonic love was increasingly difficult to spot, but he knew, he _knew_ that there wasn’t any motive behind this. No romantic agenda. You were here because you cared about him and you were rubbing his back because you wanted to soothe him. Because you actually _liked_ him enough to come in and check on his well-being.

…

It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t you love him the way he loved you?

You pat his back, this time with finality, and stood up to leave.

…

What he was about to do was extremely selfish. 

So. Extremely. Selfish. 

“stay.”

It was barely above a whisper, and as soon as it left Sans’s mouth he clammed up again. He held his breath, waiting for your response.

…

Silence.

“…please.”

He felt kind of shitty doing this, and he knew that it was a shitty thing to do, but…

He couldn’t help himself.

He was selfish and he didn’t want to be alone. 

And after the dream he just had he was reluctant to let you walk out his door.

“Sans, come on, I’m tired, you’re tired. Stop messing with me,” you said, exhaustion apparent in your voice. 

He wanted to tell you that he wasn’t messing with you and that he really wanted your company and for you to continue rubbing his back and stay with him, at least for tonight. He couldn’t find the words. Instead, he just called out to you, this time by name. 

He heard a soft sigh, although you thankfully didn’t sound annoyed. Your feet shuffled against the carpeting on his floor. Sans felt the weight return. You wrapped your arms around him protectively and pulled him in as your little spoon. Sans felt extremely grateful that you came back for him.

…He wasn’t sure how you did it, but you were always such a good cuddle buddy. He felt like this the last time you shared a bed as well as the times you’ve cuddled on the couch. You were just so warm. And so soft. Maybe it was just a human thing, or maybe it was just you. Papyrus had praised you once or twice for being such a soft and squishy platonic cuddle partner (“MATCHING THAT ONLY OF A SKELETON! TRULY WE WERE MEANT TO BE FRIENDS!”) 

…heh…it really wasn’t fair. 

Sans closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

…

You were sitting on their kitchen counter, wearing Papyrus’s frilly “Kiss the Cook” apron (cook crossed off and replaced with SKELETON), giggling. Pfft, that laugh always got him. Sans was sitting at the table, head resting in his hands.

“For God’s sake Sans, how long has this plate been here? I think you’ve grown yourself your own monster.”

“c’mon dishesn’t even the worst of ‘em.”

“Oh no!” you made a face a bit reminiscent of Papyrus. Heh. Oh no, it was hilarious.

You hopped down from the counter. “Geez, I definitely did not come over to become your new househuman,” you said as you picked up the dish. You moved to the sink. “No wonder Papyrus quit his life as the local houseskeleton, you’re disgusting.”

“oh, what, we’ve moved on to doin’ some dirty talk now?”

He couldn’t see your face, but you were definitely rolling your eyes. “Oh yeah,” you said, “dirty dishes. Instant turn on. So hot. Next time I’ll make sure to bring your crusty socks into the mix, it’ll be a party.”

“you’re hilarious.”

“I know.”

You were washing the dish with a scrubber brush now. Sans watched as you washed the dish until it was sparkling. 

“i love you.”

You dropped the dish into the sink and turned to face him. “What the heck man! You can’t just say things like that! I thought you were confessing your undying love just then.” You walked over and sat opposite him at the table, smiling. “But…you know I love you too, you’re my best friend.”

He was so happy.

And then he felt shaking.

His eye opened just a crack and he saw you under him, smiling sheepishly. “mornin,” he said, rolling over to the other side of the bed. The sunlight was pouring in through his window. Suddenly all the events from last night came flooding back to him. “’m sorry,” he said, knowing you wouldn’t know what exactly he was sorry for. 

“It’s okay,” you said. “There’s nothing to apologize for.” You paused and then said, “You know, I tried everything to get you to wake up.”

Heh. Yeah, Sans knew he was a bit of a heavy sleeper. He turned over so he was facing you said, “don’t tell me you were worried about me.” He already knew you were.

“Your bones weren’t the only ones rattling last night,” you joked, though he could hear the caution in your voice.

Making jokes to lighten the situation? Maybe Sans really had rubbed off on you. He smiled, “heh, heheh, good one.”

“Ha, really?” you sounded like you didn’t believe him.

Sans’s eyes twinkled a bit. “nah, i'm only sayin that to make you feel better.”

You raised an eyebrow skeptically. “You tell a better one then.”

Oh! Oh you had no idea what you just asked for! Sans sat upright, smile widening. “why couldn’t the sick vampire get to sleep?”

“Why?”

“cause of all the coffin.”

You groaned and grabbed one of his pillows to put over your head in false despair. “Stooop, it’s too early for your lame jokes.” Sans snickered. He could see the smallest twitch of a smile. 

“did you sleep in the garbage last night? cause you’re lookin trashy!”

Sans could hardly contain himself when you lowered the pillow just far enough for him to see your angry face before lobbing it right at him. He watched your eyes move around his messy bedroom. “I may as well have,” you said, “this place is disgusting.”

_oh, what, we’ve moved on to doin’ some dirty talk now?_

Sans was about to say it, it was on the tip of his tongue, but…

“ouch.”

Coward.

You rolled away from him. Sans could tell you were about to ask, so he leaned back against his headboard. “Um,” you started, “why couldn’t the skeleton get a good night’s rest?”

“heh, why?” 

“I dunno. You tell me.”

Heh.

…geez.

“…eh, nightmare stuff. you know,” he said. He rolled to his side so now your backs were facing each other. He knew you were going to push. He knew you knew about his nightmares, but you also wanted to help him whenever you could.

“You…wanna talk about it?” you asked.

Sans was at a bit of a crossroads. It took him so long, _so long_ to even tell Papyrus. And, truth be told, he was still worried you would think he was creepy. A bad feeling was forming in his non-existent gut at the thought of telling you. But on the other hand, that’s what friends were there for? Sans hadn’t opened up that much to you, just bits and pieces of himself here and there.

Hah.

When’d he get so self-conscious?

“…yeah.”

A long pause. Sans could feel himself start to sweat a little as he waited for your response. 

“Yeah? You want to talk?!” you were always so genuine, you couldn’t even mask your excitement.

There was no way Sans was going to be able to straight out tell you what happened. It was too much. “…yeah. you wanna watch a movie?”

Bad movies were something you both found that you enjoyed watching in each other’s company. You liked to watch other things too, but bad movies always made you both laugh. The worse the movie, the better the commentary between the two of you. 

“Sure!” 

Sans reached over and picked up his old laptop from off the floor. He browsed through Netflix for a few minutes. Bad rom com, nah. Bad comedy, ehh. Bad horror movie? Hm. Actually, yeah, the horror films were the best. They were always so terrible.

Sans fixed his pillows and you pulled up his comforter and the two of you were snug when the movie started.

This was…nice.

The movie started playing, with some music Sans swore he’s heard somewhere before. The opening credits rolled onto the screen. Chiller. Kind of an ugly font, although Sans really wasn’t one who could talk. Comic Sans wasn’t exactly the most attractive font either.

“So…?” you prompted. Sans could tell you were really resisting looking over at him. 

Welp.

“’s the worst one i've had in a while,” Sans said. “usually it’s…ah…” how to explain this, “groundhog day featuring sans the skeleton.”

Eh. Not exactly but that was as accurate as he could really get for now.

“A day repeating?”

Sans has told you about his dreams before, so he wasn’t surprised that you didn’t look shocked or worried. Okay. So far so good, Sans supposed.

“somethin like that.”

“Sounds frustrating.”

“yeah, it probably is,” Sans said. Maybe one day he’ll let you in on what he knows. But for now, he was focusing on the computer screen. There was the typical gang you usually found in horror movies: three white guys, a white girl, and of course the token minorities. Fantastic. “betcha the skinny blonde is gonna die first.”

“Before or after the obligatory awkward horror movie sex scene with Mr. Macho high school quarterback?”

“during.” Heh. Gross.

You laughed. “But only after they all decide it would be a great idea to split up to cover more ground.”

Humans were so stupid.

“ya think the killer is gonna be a mildly or overly offensive depiction of a monster?” he asked wryly.

Sans didn’t particularly care _that_ much about monster movies. He actually found them kind of funny, if only because of how inaccurate they were. It’s not like people knew. It was just a part of your culture that got twisted like so many other things. But, to be fair, many monsters’ opinions and assumptions of humans were also really terrible, so he supposed that it all evened out in the end.

Oh, he was so lost in thought that he missed whatever it was you said as your answer.

The two of you watched the movie for a good twenty minutes before Sans finally managed to pluck up the courage to say something. “most of my nightmares are reoccurring. same four or five cycle through i guess,” he paused and eyed your reaction. You looked concerned. Ok. “i dunno, you get used to that sorta thing, but…”

“Last night was new?”

…

Was he really so transparent?

“yeah.”

He watched as you picked at some loose threads on his old jacket. He couldn’t believe how often you wore that thing. It was touching, in a weird way. “So, what happened?”

“you, uh, you died,” he said.

“Me?” you looked so surprised.

Sans wanted to die. He furled up in on himself a tiny bit. He hates this. He hated telling you things like this. It wasn’t who he was to you. 

“H-how?” you asked.

“i…i killed you,” he whispered. “it was pretty gruesome.”

Luckily, Sans didn’t have to witness your reaction to this new information because a loud blood curdling scream came from the skinny blonde in the movie. She was being stabbed with a fake knife. Horribly designed fake blood began flying.

Switch the topic.

“called it, you owe me $5.”

“We never placed a bet!” you argued.

“heh, you’re right. we never placed a bet that low. minimum bets are always $10.”

“Sans!”

Heh. Oh wow. You sounded so indignant. 

“do ya think they’re using ketchup as fake blood?”

Alright, yeah, so Sans was laying on this casual thing a little thick and he knew it, but now that he’s already talked about his dream he wanted to ignore it altogether. You looked like you were about to argue with him, but sighed and said, “You’re never going to get that $10.”

“must-ard you be so pickle? i wanted to relish my victory and-”

“We’re not going down condiment pun lane,” you said, cutting him off. “You’ll just go on forever.”

His record was 3 days 17 hours straight. 

“mayo reconsider once you’ve mustard up the strength to pay your debt where it’s due?” Over exaggerated wink.

“I will consider paying you just so you shut up,” you said, playfully pushing him.

He wanted more moments like these.

The two of you sat in content silence for a few more moments. Sans was done talking about himself. Instead he tried to watch the shitty movie, but was also trying to gauge your expressions. Finally, you said, “I had a nightmare last night too, you know.”

Oh. He didn’t.

But it made sense as to why you went to wake him up at 2 in the morning, if you were awake too.

“yeah?”

“It was really dark. I was completely alone, save for the screaming. So much screaming. I twas like that feeling of falling without even moving. Someone was laughing, and I felt like I was in so much pain,” you swallowed. “I…I don’t know. I woke up covered in sweat. I was about to go back to sleep when I heard you shaking.” You paused. “I guess we both had a rough night.”

Sans felt bad.

Sans felt really bad.

If he had known…he would have tried to do something for you too, instead of laying there like a fake sleeping lump. He reached out for your hand, trying to make up for it. “sorry,” he said. “i'm sorry.”

You smiled at him, shaking your head. “Don’t be, it’s not your fault. It happens sometimes. Everyone gets nightmares.” You squeezed his hand tighter. “It just makes us appreciate the dreams. Oh, did you end up having any good dreams last night? Your nightmares must’ve stopped because you didn’t wake me with tossing and turning.”

_i love you._

“Oh my god you did! What did you dream about?”

“nothin,” Sans said, once again wanting to crawl into a hole and die. He could feel himself getting embarrassed all over again.

“Ha, oh man, were these good dreams or _good_ dreams?”

_I love you too, you’re my best friend._

If only you knew.

“shaddup.”

You were laughing at him now. “Sorry, you make it too easy to tease you. Can’t help myself.”

Sans made a very disgruntled noise and he refused to look at you anymore. Geez, what was _wrong_ with him?

The two of you sat and watched the remainder of the film. It was a bit ridiculous, but it was checking off all of the stereotypical boxes.

Terrible cast full of terrible people. Check.

Noticeably fake blood. Check.

Dramatic murder music, none of the stupid dudes die, and the monster was so poorly designed, even Onion was scarier than it. Check, check, check.

“heh. called it. that’ll be 50,000G.”

“Ugh, exchange rate? Man I hate monster money sometimes,” you said, while trying to figure out how much that was exactly in human currency. 

The final credits were rolling when Sans decided to tell you something else, “they’ve always been that way.”

“Huh?” you stopped counting and looked at him quizzically. 

“my…uh, my stats. they've always…they’ve always been low.”

He watched as your eyes shifted from confused to sad.

Yeah.

“I thought monsters could raise them through training?”

Training. Magical supplements. Lab mutations. Sans seriously tried so many avenues to beat his 1hp limitation. Nothing worked, he was forever stuck with his low STATS. It’s always been that way.

“most can,” Sans explained, “but…i never could. not enough hope, i guess. i'd say this topic would strike a nerve, if i had any.”

But it was still disappointing.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you said.

Sans felt bad.

Sans felt really bad.

He was noticing a pattern here.

“i feel bad,” Sans said. “you’ve…you’re a real good person and i've been…uh, not.” In more ways than one, he mentally added. He began to twiddle his thumbs to try and relax. They made a soft clicking sound when they struck against each other. 

“you deserve better,” Sans said. Someone who doesn’t run away when you asked questions.

Someone who doesn’t have creepy nightmares or weird friend love dreams about you. 

This sucks.

“Hey, hey, where’s all this coming from? If anyone deserves better, it’s you. I mean, you’re the one putting up with…” you broke off, but Sans could figure what you were going to say. “With someone who doesn’t make good on her bets.”

“ha.”

“But,” you took his hand in yours and squeezed it lightly. It was comforting. “You’re a great person. You really are. I mean, what’s a friendship without a few bumps in the road, right? We’re fine. I mean it. And if you wanted to keep certain things about yourself private then…well, I shouldn’t have pried.”

Sans felt…relieved. Happy. 

“eh, ya just caught me off guard with all your questions. i don’t have anything to hide. no skeletons in my closet,” he said with a smile and a wink.

You rolled your eyes at him, but you were smiling too. The credits finally finished. “I guess our shitty movie is done…we’ve been here awhile haven’t we? I should probably be going home…feed my cat…that sort of thing…”

Sans kind of didn’t want you to leave.

Welp…now or never.

“sure, but can i ask you somethin?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah? Go for it.”

Uh…Sans suddenly felt uncharacteristically bashful. He wasn’t sure how to phrase it. Can you touch me more without it being weird? just didn’t sound right. “i just wanted to ask you if you would mind-”

_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_

“SANS!” Papyrus said, opening the door to Sans’s room wide open. “YOU HAVE A-OH. I DIDN’T REALIZE THE TWO OF YOU WERE HAVING A SLEEPOVER.”

Busted.

Welp. Moment over.

“We weren’t…I was just…” you trailed off, unsure of what to say. 

“sup bro?”

“ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT IT’S PAST NOON AND YOU’RE STILL IN BED?”

Sans chuckled a bit to himself. Oh Papyrus. He log rolled himself off the bed and straight onto the floor. “i dunno what you’re talkin about bro. i'm not in bed.”

“SANS.”

Snrk. Papyrus was giving him that disapproving-while-still-smiling look.

“did i floor ya with my groundbreaking jokes?”

“SANS.”

“seems like someone got out on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

“SANS YOU HAVE A GUEST.”

…?

“oh.”

Sans didn’t really get many visitors these days, so he sat up and raised a brow bone right as…oh, oh man.

“Hey little buddy, long time no see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone in the comments: AWW MAN WHY DOESN'T SANS LOVE ME  
> Everyone in the comments: AW, I WANTS SANS TO LOVE ME BUT ALSO I WANT HIM TO SUFFER.
> 
> Hm. Well you know, maybe that's what was happening all along.


	12. The Underwap!Papyrus Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So…Whatcha Doin At A Monster Party Like This?”
> 
> “Uhhhhhh…” you felt a tiny bit embarrassed about your reasoning, but…well, this guy seemed like he’d get it? “To be honest, I just came for the free food.”
> 
> The skeleton stared at you, eye sockets wide, and then he was full on NYEH-HEH-HEH laughing at you. “That….Is The Best Thing I’ve Heard All Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to popular request, enjoy some of the tall carrot man.

**CHAPTER 1**

Alright, this party was pretty fun, but it was getting kind of overwhelming. You ate, listened to some good spooktunes, and made some chill new friends. You said your goodbyes to the monsters you were dancing with and walked out the front door.

“Heya. Howzit Goin?”

“Oh!” you said, a bit caught off guard from the tall orange-hooded skeleton standing near the doorway. “It goes. How are you? All the social pressure getting to you?” you asked, nodding to the…blunt (??) in his hand.

“Eh.”

“Non-descript. I like it. Keeps an air of mystery.”

The skeleton laughed, sort of? He stifled it, although you could catch the soft “Nyeh-Heh-Heh” he was trying to hide. “You Wanna Hit?” he asked, offering the blunt to you. 

“Uh…that looks like a dog treat on fire.”

“Yeah…And?”

Well, you had already tried a lot of other new monster things tonight. What’s a dog treat gonna hurt? You took it. It…kind of also tasted like dog treats. 

He snickered. “Sorry. Your Face Just…”

You handed it back. “Enjoy your dog food weed. Maybe you’re just too high to realize it tastes like shit.”

He just smirked at you, which just made you think you were totally right. “So…Whatcha Doin At A Monster Party Like This?”

“Uhhhhhh…” you felt a tiny bit embarrassed about your reasoning, but…well, this guy seemed like he’d get it? “To be honest, I just came for the free food.”

The skeleton stared at you, eye sockets wide, and then he was full on NYEH-HEH-HEH laughing at you. “That….Is The Best Thing I’ve Heard All Night.” snrk snrk. “Who Does Shit Like That?”

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, like you don’t get munchies every now and then?”

He shrugged, but his smile betrayed him. He held out his hand. “Name’s Papyrus. The Great Papyrus.”

“Ooh, James Bond greeting? Does that make me a Bond girl then?”

He seemed surprised with your response and rubbed the back of his neck a bit sheepishly. “Uh…To Be Honest I Only Greeted You Like That Because It Seemed Cool. I Haven’t Actually Seen The Movies, So I Wouldn’t Know?”

Wow?! Who just admits that? You giggled a bit. “It’s alright, um,” well, okay, maybe it was the dog treat but Papyrus actually DID seem kind of cool? “Maybe we can watch them sometime then?”

“R-Really?”

“Uh…yeah? You seem pretty cool and chill. Is that…uh, was I too forward?”

“You Think I’m Cool?”

You wondered if maybe Papyrus was kind of a dweeb in whatever Monster High School they had because he looked completely shocked at being called “Cool” but at the same time you thought you maybe saw some sparkles in his sockets. What a nerd??? Oh my god???

The two of you took out your phones and traded numbers. You were about to say your goodbyes (again) when all of a sudden, the front door swung open. Oh! Another skeleton! This was was quite small. Aw, he was cute!

“papy this is YOUR party and yet i am the one doing all the good hosting! and oh! hello! who’s this? did you make a new friend?!”

“Sup. Sorry for keeping him, he’s been good company. It’s nice to meet you. I guess for now you can just consider me his Bond girl.”

The tiny skeleton’s pupils suddenly grew about three times in size. He looked at Papyrus. And then at you. And then at Papyrus again. “bond?!?!?!?!”

“Uh…yeah like the mo-”

“oh my god! papy! how could you not tell me!?!?!?!?!? a bond!!!!!! a mate!!!! you found!!! a mate!!!!!! oh my god! papy! i’m so happy for you!!!!”

“Bro, It’s Not What You Th-”

“oh no! i haven’t properly introduced myself! and it’s important if you’re bonding with papy! oh my god!!!!! hi! i’m the magnificent sans! or the sensational sans! or the fantastic sans! whichever! ok! hang on!”

Sans raced back inside, leaving the front door wide open. You watched as he pulled the plug to the music. Oh god. What was happening!?

“everyone! i have an announcement!”

Before you could get out any protest, Sans had already barreled on, “papy has now officially found his mate!!! please which my bro and his ‘bond’ girl an extremely happy congratulations!!!”

Every eye in the room suddenly turned to you and Papyrus. Neither of you could say anything before you were swarmed by people saying their congratulations. 

….Just what had you gotten yourself into?

\--

**CHAPTER 32**

New Years. 

You were planning on staying in and having a quiet night to yourself but after receiving an interesting message from Papyrus (where he claimed to be THE GREAT PYRUS, LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD, MAY ALL BASK HIM IN KISSES) you just had to go to Muffet’s Lounge in order to see what this nerd was like when clearly intoxicated.

When you arrived you found the table with your friends almost immediately because Papyrus was standing on a table, shouting. Undyne was trying to gently coax him into sitting down, Alphys was threatening to punch him until he stopped causing a scene, and Sans was…sleeping. Alright.

“Oh! Thank god!” Undyne said when she saw you. “Please stop him, he’s, uh, he always gets a little crazy when he…ngah…” she trailed off and sort of awkwardly gestured to the screaming skeleton. “He’s had too much.” She pushed up her glasses and glanced off to the side “Sorry.”

“P-PAPYRUS! I SWEAR TO G-GOD!” Alphys shouted as she tried to pull him back into his seat by his hoodie strings. “I will suplex you into n-next year if you don’t SIT D-DOWN!”

“I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!!!!!!!!” 

Saying Papyrus was loud was an understatement. 

“papy! stop speakin in uppercase ‘m tryin to SLEEP!” Sans said with a glare. Yikes, he was a grumpy skeleton. You briefly wondered if that was the alcohol or if he just didn’t get enough sleep last night.

You walked over to Papyrus. “Sup Pyrus. You need to come down now. People are staring.”

“GREAT! NOW THEY CAN RECGONIZE HOW COOL I AM!” He struck a pose that looked like he was trying to flex his non-existent biceps. He looked anything but cool. If he remembered this tomorrow he was probably going to regret it.

“Okay, Mr. Cool Dude, why are you shouting?”

“THIS IS MY NATURAL VOLUME. DON’T YOU LOVE IT?”

Not really. You felt like your eardrums were being assaulted. Suddenly the lilt of his speaking voice made a lot of sense. What a dork. “Oh yes,” you said, “I love it so much that I want to hear it closer, so you need to come down.”

“REALLY?”

“Sure.”

Papyrus hopped down from off the table. He posed again, one hand on his hip and another behind his head. “CAREFUL. I’M TOO HOT TO HANDLE TONIGHT.”

“Uh-huh,” you said, suppressing your own laughter. You couldn’t help but be amused at his uncharacteristic confidence.

“THE SMOOTHEST SKELETON IN TOWN.”

“As smooth as chunky peanut butter.”

“THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT. YOU KNOW, I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF YOU JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH ME RIGHT NOW. I REALIZED THAT I AM AMAZING AND PROBABLY THE BEST PERSON YOU KNOW EVER IN ALL OF HISTORY AND I JUST-” Papyrus fell forward so he was leaning against you and you could hear him start snoring. Fantastic.

Undyne mentioned going to the park to catch the fireworks show. Alphys picked up Sans and slung him over her shoulder. You nudged Papyrus “C’mon dude, we’re going to go see some lights.”

“NYEH.”

You turned and said, “Hold on, I’ll just carry you there.”

He weakly held onto your shoulders. It was incredibly awkward to carry him. Papyrus was really lanky, although he was thankfully light. You felt a bit like a turtle or a hermit crab in a shell that was too big for you. His limbs dangled as he slept on your back. Goddamn Papyrus. You were worried about dropping him as you stumbled awkwardly in the street, but he stayed mostly secure.

By the time you got to the park, you’d lost sight of Alphys, Undyne, and Sans, but you found an empty hill. You dumped your skeleton on the snow and then laid down next to him and stared up at the sky and waited.

“Ughhh.”

“You awake now?”

“Where Are We?”

You snorted. “I see you don’t remember anything from earlier this evening, Cool Dude.”

“Oh No.”

You laughed. “Gosh, let’s see. You certainly made an impression at Muffet’s.”

“Please Stop Talking.”

“You been working out those biceps? You were quite eager to show them off.”

Papyrus groaned and pulled his hood up over his head. “I Didn’t. I Was Not Drunk Enough For That,” he sighed. “I Need A Smoke.”

You reached into your hoodie pockets and handed him a cigarette. 

“God, I Love You Right Now,” he said, taking it gingerly. A bit of fire magic and it was lit. 

“Yeah, yeah. And you wouldn’t be surprised if I fell in love with you right now either, hm?”

“…Did I Actually Say That?”

“Amongst other things,” you said teasingly. 

“Sorry For Sounding Like Such a Pompous Ass.”

“It was kind of hilarious. I wish I took a video. We may have to go get drunk again soon so I have evidence.”

Papyrus focused on his cigarette, but he looked a little embarrassed. His drunk unwavering confidence had now clearly worn completely off. Do monsters just get over drunkenness quickly or was that just a Papyrus thing?

“Anyway. Fireworks should be starting pretty soon. We’ll be hearing the countdown any minute now.”

Quiet.

“…Humans Kiss At Midnight, Yeah?”

“Huh?” you asked, glancing over. The cigarette was resting between Papyrus’s teeth. He wasn’t looking at you. “Hm, yeah, sometimes I guess. Why? You want a kiss from an adoring fan? Your _bond girl_?”

“Can’t Kiss Someone If I Got No Lips. But Don’t Let My Rejection Keep You Up At Night,” he said coolly. 

“Wow. Seems like you’re a pompous ass even when sober,” you said with a smile. “And anyway, it’s not like it’s stopped you before.”

“Sure. I’ll Mash My Teeth Against Your Lips, Howzaboutit?”

“Sounds sexy.”

And there goes his Nyeh-Heh-Heh laugh. You couldn’t help but giggle a bit too. This whole ordeal was so ridiculous. Well, maybe it wasn’t. The two of you had kissed, or rather you had smooched him a few times on the skull, when other people were watching. For show. But it wasn’t like it was a big deal.

10…

Papyrus put out the cigarette butt.

9…

You scooched in a little closer. You could smell the smoke from his clothes.

8…

“So We’ll Be Seeing Fireworks Then?”

7…

“Yeah, they’ll go off at midnight.”

6…

“Cool.”

5…

You leaned back. Your fingers touched his.

4…

“Hey, Uh…”

3…

“Yeah, Pyrus?” 

2…

You turned towards Papyrus, who was looking at you with a smile. 

1…

“C’Mere.”

As the fireworks began to boom in the background, Papyrus wrapped his arm around you and pulled you in closer. He placed a chaste kiss on your cheek and smooshed and nuzzled his face into yours. You laughed, but leaned into it. When Papyrus let go you retaliated by giving him a loud “MWAH” kiss on his cheekbone.

“Heh, What? Only One?”

“Such a needy skeleton.”

“Just A Skeleton With High Standards. Seems Like A Good Night For Some Lovin,” he gestured to other people in the park who were hugging, kissing, and cheering.

“Aw, just admit you like my kisses,” you teased, elbowing him in the ribs. “It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone you have a soft spot for a human.”

“Nyeh.”

“And anyway, you were just telling me how you couldn’t kiss someone with no lips. Don’t tell me you were lying back there,” you poked him gently. “I know your game, Cool Dude.”

“…Yeah, You’ve Bested Me Once Again, Bond Girl.”

You smiled at him and ha, wow. The way he was looking at you made you feel pretty good. You leaned against him and appreciated the warm feeling growing in your chest.

\--

**CHAPTER 33**

“J-just GO FOR IT! G-GIMME ALL YOU G-GOT!” Alphys shouted.

Ha. Ha. Ha. No. This wasn’t going well at all. Alphys was firing bullet after bullet towards you and you were taking the brunt of the abuse. God, this sucked. You felt pain, but you also didn’t? You were tired? But you were also very much awake?

“Sweetie.”

“Undyne?”

“Um…” Undyne looked away, “let’s let Paps do it. He…he really strong, but…less…uh, less passionate! Less hardcore!”

“No Thanks.”

“yeah! no thanks! let me do it! i was the one who captured the human! i know all about fighting humans! in fact i'm quite _sansational_ at it!”

“UGHHHHH, t-take a break you d-dweebs!”

Everything came into clarity again. Sans handed you a drink and you took it gratefully, each sip rejuvenating you a little bit more. Everyone went off to go do their own thing. Alphys and Sans were currently sparring, Undyne was making some notes in her journal, and Papyrus was resting on a bench, looking…distracted.

“Hey Pyrus.”

“Sup. Howzit Goin?”

“It goes. How are you? Is everything okay?”

He looked a bit contemplative before he said, “Actually…I Was Hoping To Ask You Something.”

You sat down next to him. “Sure!” you said. “You can ask me anything. What’s up, buttercup?”

“It’s About New Year’s.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? What about it? Did your memories finally come back to you?”

“I Uh…How Do I Say This?” he looked a bit bashful. He kicked the ground with his sneakers. There was a light orange tinge to his face.

Your heartbeat began to drum. What? Why was it doing that?! You calmly placed your palm over it. “Yeah? Go ahead, I’m listening.”

“Uhhhh…Did You…Uh…Get A Picture Of Me On The Table?” he asked.

Oh!

Oh…

“Haha, man, if only. I would’ve loved a copy of that for sure. You looked pretty ridiculous, I gotta say.”

“Ha. Ha. Yeah. Ridiculous,” he said. “Uh. Anyway. That’s All. I Wanted…To Ask. Nothing Else.”

It didn’t sound like that was all he wanted to ask you, but he was already standing up and walking away. 

“You leaving?” you asked.

“Sans’ll Take Care Of You!”

And then he was gone. Now you were sitting alone on the bench with your thoughts. For some reason you felt a little disappointed.

“where’s papy?”

“Oh, hey Sans. Papyrus went home I think.”

“is he…upset?”

“He didn’t seem upset but I dunno.”

“oh! ok! good! i was worried that he would feel upset after talking to you, but i'm glad it all worked out!”

“…What was supposed to work out?”

Suddenly Sans started sweating. “nothin!”

“Sans!”

“heh, that’s the name human! don’t wear it out!” he said as he started backing away from you.

You lunged for him, only to have him blip out of reach and reappear a few feet behind you. “don’t be mad!”

“Sans! Is there something wrong with Papyrus?!” you reached for him again.

“MWEH!” 

Pop out. 

Pop in. 

“human! i ask that you cease your shenanigans! bending time and space is very tiring!! i assure you that papy is fine he’s just-” he stopped and covered his mouth with his hand. “i can’t tell you! bro code!”

“Well, whatever it is, it doesn’t have something to do with my heart, does it?”

Sans stopped in his tracks. “what?”

“I…” you put your hand over your chest and furrowed your eyebrows. “Just now, when I was talking to him I felt…” you trailed off. “I’m okay, right? This doesn’t have anything to do with the training, does it?”

You watched Sans’s pupils form into two tiny stars. “oh!!!!! this!!!!!! the developments!!!!!!!”

“What developments?!”

But Sans just mweh-heh-hehed all the way back to Alphys and Undyne. You frowned. You needed a moment to yourself. You walked back to your car. You were about to get in when you saw a familiar pair of sneakers and bony legs.

“Are you…hiding behind my car??”

Papyrus looked up at you, eyes similar to those of a deer caught in the headlights. “Uh…Maybe. Can’t Teleport Like My Bro But Had To Get Away Somehow.”

You went around and sat in the sloshy dirt next to him. “Get away?”

“…So…I Didn’t Care About My Picture.”

“Yeah I kind of…I kind of got that impression after talking to Sans.”

The cigarette in Papyrus’s mouth fell out and into the snow. He swore under his breath. “I Swore Him To Secrecy But I Guess If He Already Told You-”

Papyrus reached for your head and gently put his hands on either of your cheeks. Your heart began to pound hard again. He pulled you in towards him and pressed his teeth against your lips and let his forehead rest against yours. 

Uhhhhh.

UHHHHHHH?!?!?!?!

He pulled away, but when he saw the expression on your face he immediately recoiled. “…Sans Didn’t Tell You About This Did He?”

“…Sure didn’t.”

“I’m Out.”

Papyrus stood and began to run. 

“Pyrus, wait!” you called after him. You got up and tried to chase him, but he was too fast for you. He reached Sans and poofed out of existence before you could stop them, leaving you standing alone in the field. Alphys and Undyne watched, wide-eyed.

“…I think I like you too, bonehead,” you said softly.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes people write funny things in the comments, so I expand on them :) 
> 
> tumblr: http://poubelle-squelette.tumblr.com


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